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I glance around the table. “Look, the guys are over and—”
“Always an excuse! See? You do this every time.” She shakes her head and crosses her arms over her chest. “But I’m not going to let you get out of it. You’re going to tell me what happened between you and Lenny because she’s my friend, and you hurt her. I know you’re hurting too, and I can’t stand to see the two people I care about feeling like this.”
Irritation spikes in my veins, mostly because she’s right, and when the hell did she get so smart? “The reason I don’t have these talks with you is because you’re fourteen years old, Noah. I don’t want to worry you with grown-up problems.”
“I’m worried anyway, so what’s the point? Hiding it from me doesn’t make it better. People think that older means wiser. But it doesn’t. Older just means more stubborn.”
“Can’t argue with her there,” Trent mumbles.
“Fine.” I puff my cheeks and blow out a long breath. “You want to have an adult conversation? Let’s have one. Jason said he liked Elena the night we were playing cards here. I told him to go over to her house and ask her out. She got mad.”
Noah’s jaw falls open. “Of course she got mad. She doesn’t like Jason. She likesyou.”
I shake my head. “I told her that she’s young and can be with someone her own age who she can have kids with and—”
“Oh my god.” Noah’s hand flies to her mouth. “That’s what you said to her?”
“I didn’t know she couldn’t have children.”
“She had to get a hysterectomy when she was with Neil because she had something that started with an F.”
“Fibroids?” Mitch asks.
“Yeah, that. So now it’s impossible for her to have children.” Noah blinks. “She literally can’t bear kids, and you told her to be with someone she can start a family with.”
Fuck.
All the comments I’ve made to her about not being able to understand what it’s like to have children…all the times I’ve told her that she’ll know what it’s like when she has kids of her own.
I had no idea. How could I? She never told me.
I lick my lips, my mouth feeling as dry as a desert. “But she never said anything.”
“And you assumed like you always do, instead of asking her what she wanted or how she felt.” She pops an eyebrow. “Just like you do with me.”
“I do what I do because it’s what’s best for you. I’m your father, and that’s my job.”
“Maybe you don’t always know what’s best for me. You ever think of that? Maybe I’d like it if you asked me what I wanted. I’m older now. I have questions. I have opinions. I have feelings. I’m not the little girl who was afraid of the dark and believed in Santa. I’m turning into a young adult, and I want you to tell me about my mother so I don’t have to sit here wondering what happened.”
Emotions surge, blurring my vision. “I just want to protect you from the pain.”
“I’m already in pain. Every time Mother’s Day rolls around, or a teacher at school tells me to askmy momto sign something, or my friends talk about their moms.” Her bottom lip trembles. “You knew her. The least you can do is tell me about her.”
She’s right. She’s telling me what she needs, and it’s time I give it to her.
“Fine.” I scrub my hands over my face. “I’ll tell you as much as I can, but it’s not going to make you feel better hearing this story—it’s not all puppies and rainbows.”
She straightens in her chair. “I can handle it.”
I suck in a slow breath, choosing my words carefully. “I was out at a bar with Trent and some other friends we knew from college. Your mom started dancing with me, and that’s how we met.” I pause, looking up at the ceiling as if it has the strength I need to push out this next part. “I was drinking, and I wasn’t thinking straight. I took her back to my apartment, and that’s the night we made you. All I knew about her was her first name.”
Noah scrunches her nose. “Eww. You had unprotected sex?”
My head hangs. “I’m not proud of it, and it wasn’t a smart decision, but it brought you into my life, so I’d do it all over again if I had to.”
“How did you know she got pregnant?”
“We’d exchanged numbers but didn’t contact each other after that night. Then she texted me a picture of you nine months later on the day you were born and told me I was a father.”
