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I stare at her. “Next you’re going to say better late than never.” I know Emmerson is her own person, and she didn’t have to listen to anyone other than me… but clearly, there was uncertainty on her part back then and she felt like she couldn’t talk to me.
That actually cuts even more.
“Well, it sort of is. I never expected her to talk about all of that when she invited me over.”
I say nothing. I am too damn bamboozled.
“Are you going to eat?” she asks me after a moment.
“I’m kinda not too hungry now, Emmerson.” I want to leave, figure out what’s going on in my head.
“Please.” She reaches across the table and squeezes my hand. It’s like she knows I’m two seconds away from pushing away from the table, paying the check, and saying goodnight. But then she would think it’s her fault, and I don’t see that all of it is.
She should have spoken to me, there is no doubt about it, and I’m still trying to wrap my head around why she didn’t. Did she think that little of me?
I watch the movement and feel the warmth of her skin as she touches me. I look down at her hand on top of mine and feel that familiar jolt in my chest. It is definitely magnetic with her, and I have to fight for it not to be.
I can’t afford to go down that road again and risk being smashed to smithereens.
“I need to think about things, Emmerson.”
She nods. “I know. We both do, but finish your meal at least?”
I sigh and pick up my knife and fork. Again, I don’t want to storm out of here in frustration and leave her sitting here by herself.
I’m actually surprised we’ve only been approached once so far.
I hardly taste the steak, but what I do taste is excellent.
“For what it’s worth, I’m sorry,” she says to me. “I should never have left you the way I did, left the note…” She shakes her head. “I was so confused.”
“It was pretty harsh waking up like that.” We’ve at least discussed this before in the past, this isn’t the first time. Not long after, she finally called me back.
So all that talk about doing what was best was bullshit. She left me because she thought she was getting in the way, and people like my own mother only reinforced her fears, convincing her to pack her bags and high-tail it.
It’s more than a bitter pill to swallow. This altered my fucking life.
It messed with my head for such a long time, and now I’m finding out it was all bullshit. She still loved me. She didn’t want to go.
Does she still love me now?
I look across at her, but I can’t gauge what she thinks in that way. I think she still has feelings for me. I mean, they don’t just die after something like this… do they?
Maybe they do for some people over time.
They certainly haven’t died for me. If anything, it’s reignited how much I adored her, and still do.
This changes things. It changes everything, but I don’t know right now what to do with the information. It’s a lot to take in during one sitting.
Maybe it’s the fact I’m only just realizing it after being shut off for so long.
“I’m so sorry,” she says quietly. “I really am, Taylor. I thought you would be better off.”
“Without you?” I scoff. “How do you figure that?”
She lets out a breath. “I guess I knew how much traveling you would be doing. I didn’t know if we could keep it together when you were away all the time. I tried to convince myself it was for the best, and that you’d forget eventually.”
I sigh. This got way heavier than I was ever anticipating.
