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Drew nods seriously. “Will do.”
He disappears, closing the door behind him. The second it snicks shut, I’m out of bed digging through one of my uncle’s drawers for something to wear. My other clean things are all in my backpack downstairs.
“Everything okay?” Theo asks, making a more orderly exit from bed.
Pippa Jane isn’t happy to see us go. She oinks in indignation, clearly irritated that the morning petting session has ended so soon.
“You’ll get more belly rubs later, baby,” I tell her, grabbing a grungy blue “Bass Fishers Do It Better” sweatshirt and quickly swapping it for my flannel pajama top. I keep my back to Theo as I change, not wanting to be naked in front of him right now, not when I have this weird…icky feeling squirming around inside me. “And yeah,” I add, forcing a smile as I turn back to him. “Just ready to get out of here. I didn’t realize how claustrophobic I was getting until rescue was on the horizon.”
“I hear that,” Theo says, pulling his flannel pajama pants on over the boxer briefs he slept in along with my old sweatshirt. “I’ll run downstairs and see if my jeans are dry yet.”
“Or you can wear your PJ pants,” I say. “I was going to leave mine on. I figure, as long as we have real clothes on top and shoes on bottom, we should be fine.”
“Sounds like a plan.” Theo’s lips curve, but the smile doesn’t reach his eyes. “You sure you’re okay?”
“I’m fine,” I lie.
I’m not fine, but the thing I’m not fine about isn’t something Theo can fix, and I wouldn’t want him to try. His big, loving, “always there for each other” family is something he should treasure.
And something he shouldn’t be forced to leave behind.
I don’t know why I didn’t think more about this before. I guess a part of me assumed that with his grandma gone, Theo wouldn’t have as much tying him to Bad Dog. But he’s clearly grown even closer to his cousins than when we were in high school. It makes sense, really. I’m sure, once Gram died, the McGuires all rallied around Theo to make sure he felt loved and included. They’re a wonderful family that way.
Too wonderful to give up for a woman who may never put down roots and isn’t sure if she wants to have a family of her own. On the one hand, there are times when having a little one to share life’s adventures with sounds amazing. But there are just as many times when caring for Pippa Jane takes everything I’ve got, and I can’t imagine having a creature to take care of who can’t be sent to time-out in her crate or pick up her own toys.
I can’t promise I can give Theo children, and it’s not like he’s going to be getting any love and support from the people I’m related to. If he comes with me, he’ll be leaving dozens of loving people and a home he adores behind in exchange for…me.
Just me.
Well, and Pippa, who seems to adore Theo already—she’s currently letting him hold her like a baby as they start down the stairs, a gesture of trust that heals and breaks my heart, all at the same time—but a girl and her pig can only do so much, can onlybeso much.
As I follow Theo down, praising Pippa Jane for being such a good girl as we descend the spiral staircase, I try not to spiral myself, but it’s next to impossible. In the hard light of day, the destruction left behind by the flood looks even more brutal and my future doesn’t seem nearly as bright. No matter how much I want to whisk Theo away, sweeping him up in my nomad life, I truly love him. I love him enough to want the best for him, no matter what that is, even if it isn’t me.
We load into the fishing boat Drew and Christian tied to the fallen tree, puttering away just as a fat gray squirrel leaps out of a clutch of limbs, shaking its tiny fists in our direction. Thankfully, Pippa is on the floor of the boat, too low to see the furious creature, but I’m not, and those fists feel personal.
And deserved.
How can I say I love Theo and be so selfish at the same time?
The fact is…I can’t. Which means I have two choices—end this second chance now, before we get in any deeper than we are already. Or suck it up and put down roots in Bad Dog.
Surely, if Theo loves it, I can learn to love it, too. I’m older now, wiser, more certain of my place in the world.
I’ve halfway talked myself into giving small town life another chance when we get to The Fat Rooster and my past comes back to remind me why this place can never be my future.
ChapterNine
THEO
We arrive at The Fat Rooster at the same time as Starling, Christian’s girlfriend, and my one-time crush, and get on the waiting list for a table for seven. But even though Starling is as beautiful as she ever was, when I glance her way, I only feel friendship and gratitude that she’s happy with my cousin.
She’s Christian’s person, after all, and Macy is mine and all is finally as it should be. Despite the loss of my boat and my phone, I’m the happiest I’ve been in years.
I barely feel the nip in the early winter breeze as we settle at the outdoor picnic tables to wait for our party to be called, and Drew steps away to call Tatum and tell her not to rush to get out of the house. The hostess assured us it would be at least twenty minutes before we could be seated.
But wecanuse the bathrooms and after making sure Pippa Jane is content in the small fenced-in area in front of the restaurant—a feature that makes The Fat Rooster a favorite of dog and more exotic pet-owners alike—Macy and I make the most of them. Thankfully, my toothbrush and deodorant survived my plunge into the floodwater last night, and I emerge from the small men’s room feeling much more fit for polite company.
Macy, as always, looks beautiful, even in her pajama pants and an old sweatshirt with her hair pulled up into a bouncy ponytail.
