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“I safe worded. I safe worded, and you didn’t stop.”
His hair falls from his hair tie as he shakes his head faster and faster. “No. No. I stopped when you said the word black.”
Heaving sobs rack my body as I shiver so hard my teeth chatter. Sliding to the floor I scoot back from him until my back meets a wall. He holds his hands up, approaching me like a scared animal, blanket in hand. “I won’t touch you, but I’d like for you to put this over yourself, okay?”
On autopilot, I grab the blanket and use it to cover my bare legs, though it does little for the bone rattling shakes holding my body hostage. “I said black before that. You hit too hard, Thor. Y-y-you... you missed the safe word.” A fresh wave of tears pour down my face.
His face is pale, contorted with torment and agony. “Addison... I didn’t hear you. I’m so fucking sorry.” He surges forward again, arms outstretched, and part of me wants to go to him. Part of me wants to launch myself into his arms and let him take care of me, but the rest, the bigger part, wants to run fast and far.
She’s the one I need to listen to.
He drags his fingers through his hair. “Fuck. I’m so sorry, Addison. So sorry.” He mumbles half to himself that we don’t have a set protocol or routine of how to recover when accidents happen. He’s cussing himself out. He made a mistake with his ex, we talked about it, that’s probably weighing heavily on his mind right now, but all I can feel is cold, right through to my toes.
“What do you need?” His attention snaps back to me with laser focus. “What can I do?” He keeps his distance, staying out of my space. “Can I run a bath? You’re shivering.”
A bath sounds good, but I’m not sure I can be alone with my thoughts right now. “Can you pass my phone, please?”
His body visibly deflates as he stands, walking to my discarded pants on the floor. When he hands me my phone, he sighs. “What can I do?”
Ignoring his question because I don’t have any answers for him, I shoot off a text to the Sub Club group chat.
9-1-1.
Paige
Where are you? Thor’s?
I reply with his address.
Kenzie
Is he home? Do you need help with Matthew?
He’s here, he can watch Matthew. I just need out.
Paige
On my way.
Kenzie
What do you need?
Can you run a bath please?
Kenzie
On it.
“Paige is on her way.” I don’t meet his stare. His devastation is suffocating in the space. But I need to step out of this moment and figure myself out before I can decide how we need to proceed together.
“I’m so sorry.” His voice is shaky. If I looked at him, I’d probably see tears trickling down his face, but I can’t. I need to leave.
“I’ll be back tomorrow. I just need a minute.”
“I don’t think that’s a good idea, Addison.” The pain that coats his voice is soul crushing. “But I understand.”
My heart splits in two at the sadness on his face, but I need space.
