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"Instead of talking about this, we'd be talking about a different problem," I said. "Potentially something much worse."
I didn't know which mental image I disliked more—the one in which she was out of her mind or dead, or the one in which I raped her.
I haven't always made the right choices when it came to women, but I had to stand by the ones I made regarding her. If only because the idea of pinning her down made my cock twitch uncomfortably. That was a truth I preferred to keep to myself. One that if I ever acted upon, I would earn every drop of hate from her and from myself.
No, I had to find a way to make her mine without resorting to force or any further manipulation. I needed to weave her into the tapestry of my life and existence so fully she couldn't, wouldn't want to leave. The start of that was getting her sisters out of the Summer Court alive.
27
Khala
"Are you sure about this?" I signed to Zared.
He looked at me furtively, then back to the sitting room. "If you're going, then I'm going." His signing was rough, unpracticed, but he got his meaning across.
"I'm definitely going." For the first time I was grateful for the ability to speak with my hands. It meant we could watch for Ryze, Tavian and Vayne without being overheard. I hadn't realised how well Fae could hear until I was one. Our whispering wouldn't have gone unnoticed. Especially after the conversation with Ryze yesterday.
I appreciated him telling me about their intention to go to the Summer Court, even the admission that they may kill whichever of my sisters was there. I'd smiled and thanked him for being honest with me, assured him I'd busy myself in the library while he and the others were absent. I’d asked to go along and pretended to accept it graciously when he said no. He didn't try to keep me any longer once I excused myself from his presence.
I was genuinely glad for that. He was giving me time to deal with everything. The fact he wanted my forgiveness was obvious. He didn't push the matter. He’d let me turn to him when I was ready. If I ever was.
After he spoke, I went straight to Zared and made a plan.
I had no intention of busying myself in the library while they went after my sisters. I thought Ryze might have seen right through my acquiescence, but he gave no sign of it. Through the bond I sensed him holding back, giving me space. Good, because if he poked around too much, he’d know exactly what we were up to.
Zared scrounged us a couple of packs. We threw some clothes in, then found a place near the sitting room where we could watch and wait.
"Exactly how many knives did you bring?" Ryze's voice came up the corridor.
"Only eight," Tavian replied. "You don't think that's enough? I could always get some more before we—"
"Eight is plenty," Ryze said quickly. "Come on, we've wasted enough time already."
They walked past and headed toward the stairs.
Only when their footsteps faded did I gesture to Zared rise from a crouch to follow.
We slipped down the stairs silently. I kept an ear out for their banter, and the sound of their boots at the bottom of the stairs. They made their way through the palace and down to a door near the kitchen.
"There won't be anyone in the courtyard at this time of day," Ryze said.
His voice sounded louder than I expected. I froze and waved Zared back behind a corner.
"They're right in front of us," I signed.
He nodded that he understood. "This is where I should insist you stay here."
I smiled. "You can try, but I'm going. If you want to stay…" I raised an elegant, Fae eyebrow at him.
The look he gave me said he wasn't entirely used to seeing me this way. That looking at me made him a little uncomfortable.
Imagine how I felt whenever I caught a glimpse of my reflection in the mirror. Even my hair was longer. I braided it and tied it back out of the way, but it still hung all the way down my back. I considered grabbing a knife and cutting it, to spite the whole transformation bullshit. In the end, I decided I liked it as long as it was and left it.
Besides, I had enough vanity that I didn't want my hair to look hacked at.
"When you go, I go," Zared signed. He frowned and quickly corrected himself. "Whereyou go, I go."
I smiled at his minor error. He could have accidentally signed something offensive. It was easy to do. A lot of the gestures were similar, with only the flick of a finger to tell them apart. He might have called me a cockhead without meaning to. Or something close to it.
