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"You're good at sneaking," I said slowly. "Could you get into the library across the corridor? According to Hycanthe and Jezalyn, there are records there about us. The Silent Maidens-turned omega Fae."
"You want me to find the record on you?" he asked, like it was no big deal for him to do that. "Give me a few minutes. I'll be right back."
His teeth flashed again. The bed rose as he snuck away. It was no wonder he'd crept up on me while I was sleeping. I knew he was there, and I still couldn't hear him. All I made out was a low shadow slipping out the door.
I lay in the darkness and watched the twinkling stars out the window. The same stars that shone over Ebonfalls. Was Zared looking at them too, or was he fast asleep? I couldn't feel anything down the bond apart from a faint presence. He was alive, that was all.
I missed him like an ache in my chest. As the saying went, you never know the blessings the gods give you until they take them away. I knew I cared about him, but I didn't know how deeply that ran until now. Until it was too late to tell him. If I had told him, he wouldn't remember the words anyway. I would have, though. That would have been something. Instead, all I had was regret. Regret I'd probably feel for a very, very long time.
"I'm sorry," I whispered into the darkness. The only answer was silence.
The bed dipped again a couple of minutes later. I barely managed to contain a startled gasp.
"I found it," Tavian whispered. "I didn't read it. I thought you'd want to." He pressed what felt like a few sheets of paper into my hand.
"People will notice if I turn on a light, so I'll need a candle," I said. I made no move to get up and get one. Not yet. Something else was more pressing than that.
Fuck, the words were difficult.
"What is it?" he whispered. "You don't want to know what those say?"
"I do," I said quickly. "That's not it. It's about Zared." Gods, I didn't know if I could do this. I had to. I swallowed down my emotions and tried to order my thoughts.
"I know what they did," Tavian said softly. "You told me through the bond. Not the specific details, but enough. They returned him to Fraxius."
I sniffed back tears. "They took his memories, then they sent him back. They said it was best for him if he didn't remember ever being in Jorius. He won't remember you. Ryze, or Vayne. Or that I changed to a Fae. Or that he and I ever…"
Tavian drew me into his arms and rubbed my back, letting me cry silently.
While I wept, he said soothing things in my ear, like, "They're assholes. We'll deal with them." And, "I'll sneak in and assassinate Cavan right now if you want? We probably won't get out of here alive, but I'll do it for you."
By the time my tears ran dry, I was almost able to smile. Only he could cheer me with suggestions of cold-blooded murder.
"As tempting as that is, I don't want both of us to get killed." I went to wipe away my tears, but the moment my warm skin got to within a centimetre of my face, they dried. I was barely aware of doing it.
"We'll figure something out," he said. "I don't know what, but something." He rubbed my back for a little while longer. "Do you want to see what those say?"
"I'm not sure," I admitted. I'd scrunched the papers while I cried.
I straightened them now and slipped out of bed to grab a candle from the atrium. I took it back into my room and held it in one hand while I lit it.
I had that much control over my magic at least.
I held the flame over the papers and looked at the first page. It was a list of names. My mother, my father, me and five siblings. Names that, as I read them, conjured their faces in my memories. Two sisters, three brothers. Six of us in total.
"My mother's name was Alivia Talonis. My father was Terald Fineal. He was human. She was—"
"Fae," Tavian said softly. "That explains why they kept records on you in particular. Your mother was a member of the Summer Court."
"What the fuck?" I whispered. "I don't understand."
"She fell in love with a human," Tavian said slowly. "It was quite the scandal at the time. From what I gather, Cavan didn't approve. He sent them both into exile."
"And she sent me to the Temple, putting me right into his path," I said.
"It was unlikely she had a choice," Tavian said.
I screwed my eyes shut for a moment. "Right. Jezalyn, Hycanthe and I concluded they must have wiped our families’ memories before taking us to the Temple. Only— is it possible to alter the memories of someone who’s full Fae?"
