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When I reach my driveway, I take a deep breath, wishing I hadn’t started today with a lie I can’t get out of. I prepare for the coming argument, for the corrosive vitriol my dad will spew.
Words leave invisible wounds, the kind that won’t heal no matter how much time passes. They fester and ooze and infect the heart. So anytime someone tries to get inside it, it infects them too.
11 ONE STEP FORWARD TWO STEPS BACK
BJ
I watch Winter ride her bike up the hill and disappear into the murky darkness. It seems a lot like I’ve sent her into battle without armor. I tap on the steering wheel, not liking the feeling in my stomach. Something about this situation seems off—like her actions and reactions don’t match the circumstances.
Instead of going home, I drive to the end of the road and park in our make-out spot.
I cut the engine and debate my options. I’m certain there’s more to this than financial struggles and a dad who’s a jerk. Winter is nineteen going on twenty, she works, she plays sports, and she stays out of trouble. Catching heat for hanging out with friends on a Friday night doesn’t add up. It’s not like we’re getting wasted and causing mischief.
Sitting here doing nothing seems the opposite of helpful. As I reach for the door handle, my phone buzzes. I have messages from Lovey and the gang, probably wondering where Winter and I disappeared to, but the newest ones are from Adele.
She doesn’t usually message after nine unless it’s an emergency, but our practice today was rough. The triple twists were sloppy, and she struggled with the angle. Mostly it seemed like she was psyching herself out, and the more we practiced, the worse it got, so I suggested we end early. I also mentioned potentially switching to a double twist, which seemed to make her feel worse.
Her message is short, asking if we can talk.
I give her a thumbs-up, and my phone rings two seconds later.
“Hey. What’s up?” I ask.
“Hey. Hi. What’re you up to?”
“Just dropping off a friend. What’s going on?”
“Did you have big plans tonight?”
“Nah, just hung out on the dock and took the boatercycles for a spin.” And made out with the hockey player I’m crushing on. “You wanted to talk?” Sometimes it’s hard to keep Adele on track. And sometimes I feel bad that I keep my skating and my personal life so separate. But Adele knows what happened with my previous pairs partner, and that I won’t let it happen again.
“Yeah. Uh…I, uh… I wanted to apologize for today. I know I wasn’t on point, and I was messing up the twists. I just got in my head and couldn’t get out. I know how important this competition is.”
“It’s okay. We all have off days. Don’t sweat it.” I don’t want Adele to stress about it all night and come to practice underslept and anxious.
“I just don’t want to screw this up, and I know if we don’t have at least one complicated combination, we’ll probably get docked points. And if we don’t place, that has a huge ripple effect, and then we could be looking at another four years before we’d be able to qualify for the Olympics. I know how much this means to you, and I don’t want to put that at risk.”
“Hey, hey, take a breath, Adele.”
“Sorry. I’m sorry. I’m just… I’m worried I’m going to fuck this up.”
“I get that, and I appreciate you wanting to nail this combination, but I think we need to look at this logically. We can’t risk an injury because we’re pushing too hard, too fast. My mom is coming up with a few alternatives.”
“But I think I can get this one, BJ. I don’t want to give up yet.” She sounds like she’s on the verge of tears, which won’t help either of us.
“Okay. How about this, if things aren’t working by Monday, and we haven’t nailed the combination, we try swapping the triple twist and see if that works better? We still have time to get it down.”
“Maybe we should add a practice tomorrow afternoon.”
“We already have practice tomorrow morning. Both of our bodies need a break, otherwise we risk an injury.”
“Right. Yeah, I know. But maybe after practice we can talk through some of the other lifts? Figure out what would be the best one to swap it with if it’s not going to work? Not that I wanna plan for the worst but—”
I stop her before she can work herself up. “I get that this is stressing you out, but I think it would be better to sleep on it. We can look at it with fresh eyes when we’re on the ice tomorrow.”
She sighs. “You’re right. I know you’re right. I’m just…overthinking things.”
“We’ll get this sorted out, Adele. We always do. Remember last year when we struggled through that one routine and thought we weren’t even going to place and won silver?”
