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Her hands ball into fists and her voice shakes with barely restrained fury. “I thought it was more of you telling me how useless I am and not to come home, so I didn’t listen to it. What happened to Mom?”
I hate this for Winter. I hate that she’s here and scared and the person who should be comforting her is a complete loser of a parent. And I hate most that she blames herself for this nightmare that she had no hand in creating, but is forced to live with.
His eyes shift to the side and he mumbles, “She took a fall.”
“How? From where?” Winter presses.
His eyes lift for a moment before they drop again. “She was upset. Worried about all the money your stitches were gonna cost us.”
“I already told you it won’t cost anything. What happened?”
“Don’t you raise your voice at me, girl.”
Winter’s back expands on a deep inhale, and she pinches the bridge of her nose. “Please explain what happened. Is Mom gonna be okay?”
“She went outside, needed some fresh air after all the drama you caused today. Winding everyone up. Only thinking ’bout what you want.” He rubs at his jaw. “I been tellin’ her to stay away from the railing, but she didn’t listen.”
I’ve only seen the front of Winter’s place from the water, but it’s high up on a steep incline.
Winter’s knees wobble, and she clamps a hand over her mouth. “No.”
His eyes dart away again. “The railing gave out.”
Her body goes rigid. “You’re a fucking liar!” I rush forward and grab her around the waist before she can launch herself at him. “Let me go!” She tries to pry my hands free, shouting at her dad. “You did this! You put her here.”
Her dad holds his hand up like he’s fending her off, like he’s afraid. And maybe he is. He sneers and glares at me. “Be careful with this one. She gets like this. Bad temper. Lashes out. Causes her mom a lot of stress.”
“Seems like maybe she has a right to lash out where you’re concerned,” I snap.
Winter’s nails dig into my arms, but she stops struggling, and her voice is a broken whisper. “What did you do?” she asks him again.
“Come on, let’s go for a walk.” I guide her out of the waiting room. There’s a stairwell across the hall. I push through it, the door closing with a quiet snick.
“He did this. He did this to her. I know it. I know he did.” She slides down the wall, hands shaking, tears streaming down her cheeks. “I left her alone with him, and now she’s in the hospital, BJ. I can’t ever get out. I can’t ever have anything good. He just takes it all away.” She sucks in gasping breath after gasping breath.
My cousin Lavender used to have panic attacks when she was younger. And sometimes my roommate Kody did too, especially around exam time. He had strategies to deal with them, and I search my mind for a way to help calm Winter. But all I remember is Kody doing breathing exercises, or naming the things he could see.
I crouch and wrap my hands around her calves. “Hey, hey. Breathe with me, okay? Take a breath. Slow and steady.”
She does as I say, timing her breaths with mine. It takes a couple of minutes, but she gets herself under control. “He’s lying about what happened,” she whispers.
“Can you explain that to me?”
“You know we got into it on Friday after you dropped me off, about me playing hockey behind their backs.” She curves her hands over her knees. “He was blaming it on my mom, saying she must have known. He got all up in her face and grabbed her arm, so I got all up in his.”
I fight not to let my own anger bubble to the surface. She doesn’t need more toxicity. She needs patience and softness and understanding. “What happened then?”
“I just needed to get him away from her. He does this. Takes my mistakes out on my mom because she won’t fight back the way I will. The deck is in bad shape. The railing needs replacing, and I ended up cornering him right where it’s the worst. Not on purpose. It just…worked out that way. But he knows how bad that railing is. What if he pulled the same move on my mom? What if he got her out there, but he didn’t back off and the railing broke? It’s a big drop, BJ. Like two stories up. And it’s all rocks. What if she’s not okay?” She dashes away her tears. “Every time I have something good, he ruins it. And now he’s ruined her too. All because I’m selfish.”
I thought I understood how hard Winter’s life was, but I didn’t realize it was like this. “You’re not selfish.”
“But I am. I knew how angry he was when I left tonight. I knew, and I went anyway. And now my mom is in surgery, and I don’t know if she’s going to be okay.”
15 BREAK THE BROKEN
Winter
I don’t return to the waiting room. I can’t face my dad now. Maybe not ever. Not when I’m sure he caused the fall. Instead, BJ and I wait in a room down the hall, close to the nurses’ station. His parents show up an hour later, dressed like they’ve been on a date. BJ’s mom is a petite woman with a dark brown, nearly black bob and a warm smile. BJ fills her in while Coach Ballistic takes me to update the medical information.
