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“I don’t want to leave you on your own in that cabin.” I bite the inside of my cheek and admit the thing that scares me most. “I can’t keep you safe if I’m in Chicago.”
“It’s not your job to keep me safe, Winter. It’s my job to keep you safe, and I failed at that a lot. But not anymore. Okay? I have people who want to help, and Clover, she’s just so kind and helpful. She’s been through a lot too, and look at how amazing she’s done. She has a PhD, and she’s a librarian, and she does all these wonderful things for her community. And that boyfriend of hers? He’s just head over heels for her.” She pats my hand. “What I’m saying is, I’ll be okay. You need to put yourself first, Winter. Take the scholarship.”
For a moment, I don’t know what to do. I’ve never seen my mom like this. Will I blink and everything will be back the way it was? Seems very possible, but I want to believe she means this. That she’s serious about leaving my dad for good and reclaiming her life. There’s so much of it left to live.
As terrified as I am that the bottom will fall out, I want this. To be a college student, to play for a team, to get an education, have friends, be free. Hope is blooming. I can’t help myself. “Okay. I’ll do it.”
She hugs me, and it feels like we’re heading in the right direction.
21 THE SAFEST PLACE
Winter
My mom is tired after all the excitement, so the Sunshine Center picks her up from the arena, and I meet the team at Iced Out, messaging BJ on the way. He’s not scheduled to perform until this afternoon, so I don’t expect to hear from him, but I wish him luck. I want to save the college news until he’s home, because it doesn’t feel like a text conversation.
My teammates bombard me with questions when I arrive. Fern decides my news about college is a reason to celebrate and invites everyone over to swim and hang out. Her place is small, like mine, but well maintained.
BJ messages at dinnertime with good news. He and Adele placed third overall, which means they’re moving on. They’re having a celebratory dinner in Chicago before they drive home, so I don’t rush back.
At nine he messages that he’s home, so I catch a ride with one of my teammates, but by the time I arrive, BJ is already dead asleep, with the light on, holding his phone. I set the device on the nightstand and cover him with a blanket before flicking off the light and leaving him to sleep.
The last couple of weeks have been intense; he’s been on the ice six to eight hours a day rehearsing, and despite his easy personality, the struggle to perfect that triple-twist lift was eating at him.
I work on an assignment for my class, but I’m exhausted from the high of today, so at ten I climb into bed. I wake at midnight to use the bathroom, and my brain turns on. Unable to settle, I go downstairs to get a glass of water and find BJ standing at the sliding glass door, eating a banana. He’s wearing nothing but a pair of boxer shorts. His hair hangs down, freed from its usual tie, the ends barely reaching his chin. It’s shorter than usual, because he had it cut right before the competition.
“Hey,” I whisper as I move to stand beside him.
He turns his head, and I can see the five o’clock shadow on his cheeks. He had to shave his beard yesterday for the competition. It was a little startling to see him without facial hair. It makes him look more his age. But he has a strong, angular jaw, high cheekbones and full lips. I like both versions equally.
“You didn’t wake me up when you got home.”
I rest my cheek on his biceps. “You fell asleep with the light on. I figured you were exhausted and needed sleep more than anything.”
“Mm... I was pretty beat.” He wraps his arm around my waist, pulling me closer. “Yesterday was long. My dad said you scored two goals and an assist. I wish I could have been there to see it.”
“And I wish I could have been there to see you compete.”
“Maybe next time.”
“Fingers crossed we can make that work.” Although I’m not sure Adele will be all that excited to have me there. I slide my hands over his chest and let my fingers glide along the edge of his jaw. “College scouts came to the game.”
His eyebrow lifts. “Oh yeah?”
“I got an offer for a full ride—tuition, books, accommodations, meal plan. Everything is covered as long as I keep my GPA above three-point-oh.”
His face lights up with a smile. “That’s great.” Then it disappears and a flash of emotion I don’t quite understand crosses his face. “What college?”
“Monarch. They amended their initial scholarship offer.” My stomach flutters with nerves as I wait for his reaction. It’s one thing to spend a summer having fun together, but going to the same college is different. We don’t have a label. We’re just BJ and Winter, figure skater and hockey player trading orgasms off the ice.
“Are you fucking kidding me?” He hugs me tight and lifts me off my feet. “Holy shit. That’s awesome!”
“Shh! You’ll wake your parents!”
“They sleep with a fan on. They’re dead to the world.” He sets me down. “Did you say yes? Does your mom know? Do my parents?”
“I haven’t officially accepted, but I plan to. Yes, my mom knows. She sat in on the meeting with the scout and the coach from the college team, and she wants me to accept. And your dad and Coach Waters were at the meeting too.”
“This is going to be amazing, Snowflake. We get to do college together.” He cups my face between his palms and kisses me, long and deep. “I think this calls for a celebration of the orgasm variety. Up for a little middle-of-the-night Moany Monday?”
