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“Decorate cookies Mommy?” Jeremy asked.
“We made cookies Daddy. The dough was squishy,” Christian told me with a massive smile, and it hurt my heart to see just how happy he was to play with dough. I wasn’t upset that he had enjoyed it. I was upset that he didn’t experience that with me. I felt like I was holding him back, and I hated that.
“Was it? Did you make it into a shape?”
“Mhmm. Dinosaurs and stars. We decorate today.”
I didn’t have the heart to tell him to be careful and not get dirty. The smile on his face oozed excitement and getting to do something he had never gotten to do before. The only reason we had cookie cutters was because Ellis had picked them up with the idea of her making cookies. She never baked, though, and I knew she had done it to try and impress her so-called friends.
“Will you decorate a special one for me? I can’t wait to try it after work.”
“Okay Daddy!” he said with a little bounce in his seat.
It felt good to see him so excited, and I knew I was gonna have to sort my shit out so he was able to be a normal child more. Or at least so he wouldn’t grow up to be terrified of a mess like I was. It wasn’t fair to him at all to be worried about everything being clean, especially once he got older. I had to make that change. I had to face that fear. I had to do it for him, and I was going to.
“Okay, Daddy has to get going to work, but I will see you tonight,” I said as I made my way over to Christian and pressed a kiss to the top of his head. “Have fun at the park, and I can’t wait to see your cookies when I get home.”
“Love you Daddy.”
“I love you too. And be nice to Jeremy. Remember, he’s new in town, and that can be scary. So you show him all the fun spots at the park.”
Despite not wanting them to get close, that didn’t mean I wanted them to be constantly bickering or fighting with each other. They needed to get along while they were together. I just needed them to not get attached to each other. It was going to be a fine line, one I wasn’t certain I was going to be able to pull off.
“Promise,” Christian said, and he gave me a big smile so I would know he meant it.
“Have a good day at work,” Jasmine said with a polite smile, and I couldn’t help but wonder if she was killing me in her mind.
With a final nod, I made my way towards the front door and tossed my coat on. I was going to be busy today get everything wrapped up so I could be home at a decent hour. I was just hoping that when I walked through my door this time it wouldn’t look like the cover of a disaster magazine.
Jasmine
Thesecondwearrivedat the park both Christian and Jeremy were off running towards the playground. I was still trying to take it all in. This town was gorgeous, and it seemed like everywhere I looked there was something new to check out. I couldn’t wait until the weekend when Liam was supposed to be with Christian so I could take Jeremy out, and we could really explore the town.
This park was awesome. There was a massive playground for the older kids, which I expected. What I loved was that there was also a massive playground suitable for the younger kids. And that was where the boys had ran off to. All around us was greenery; you couldn’t even hear any traffic, just the faint sounds of the ocean in the background of all the happy, playing children. There was plenty of space for the boys to run around without them being in danger of anything. It was a massive difference to the parks in Miami.
I headed over to one of the picnic tables that were available. It was in the shade, which was nice. Even though I grew up in Miami, I wasn’t a huge fan of the heat. Especially when the heat was, cook an egg on the sidewalk, type of heat. I had put a bunch of sunscreen on the boys. I knew Jeremy had pretty tough skin, but I didn’t know about Christian. The last thing I needed was for Liam to be getting home and seeing his son all red.
I got us all set up and then sat back and watched as the boys played. I would go over there shortly to join them, but for now I wanted to watch them and see how they interacted with each other. There had been moments yesterday and this morning where they weren’t too happy to have the other around, but it was natural. They were two young boys trying to get used to having someone in their environment now. Both were from an only child household. It was going to take a minute, but I was confident they would work it out.
This morning had been awkward, but it could have been worse with Liam. He seemed to be a bit more at ease with Christian. I knew everything wasn’t going to change because we had sex. We needed to put the wall back up so we were just employer and employee. It was going to be difficult, but I was hoping that if I faked it, it would eventually become real.
I was broken out of my thoughts when my phone began to ring. I couldn’t contain the sigh. It was either going to be my father, mother, or Adam. I wasn’t all that certain which one I was rooting for at this point. I pulled out my phone and saw that it was my mother. I knew I couldn’t keep avoiding them. Eventually I had to speak with one fo them. I suppose my mother was the best option out of the three of them.
“Hello,” I said as I answered.
“Jasmine?” she sounded confused, but I guess I couldn’t blame her for that. She most likely had been expecting for me to send her to voicemail like I had done previously.
“Hey Mom.” This conversation was only going to go one of two ways. Either she was going to be supportive, or she was going to lose her shit. I honestly had no idea.
“What the hell were you thinking?” she started. She was angry, but I could also hear the worry underneath it.
“I’m sorry Mom. I just couldn’t go through with it. I don’t love him. I can’t marry him.”
I didn’t realize until this moment just how desperately I needed her to understand this. That I needed her support in this. I knew it wasn’t what she wanted. I knew she was embarrassed about how I ended the relationship. I knew there were a hundred other ways I should have handled this situation. However, it was too late to make those changes. I just needed her to tell me she loved me, and it would be okay.
“Marriage is not always about love. Plenty of people get married because it is for a greater purpose. What about the family business? What about Jeremy? Why should he have to grow up in two different homes?”
I knew statistically children that grow up in a two-parent household do better in life. However, I also knew that there was a serious detriment to children that were forced to grow up in a home where their parents were constantly fighting. Where there was no love. Not to mention having a child in a home where they never knew when their father would be back. Adam was always working, but even when he wasn’t, he wasn’t present. There was no affection towards either of us. Half the time, he didn’t even know what Jeremy was interested in. That couldn’t be good for a child either.
