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“You don’t know what it was like living with Adam Mom. It’s not just about not being in love. It’s his attitude and how he is with me and Jeremy. Did you know that some days Adam will go all day not even saying a word to Jeremy? That he doesn’t even know his favorite color or what he likes to eat. Adam likes to put on this big show of being a great man, a great father, but it’s all empty.”
“He loves Jeremy,” my mom insisted.
“I’m not arguing that. He just doesn’t know how to show it. I am not going to put my son through fifteen more years of a house filled with disdain and tension. He deserves so much better than that. Even if that means he had to live in my house during the week and Adam’s on the weekends. He will adapt just like all of the other divorcee’s kids.”
Was it ideal? No. But it was better than the alternative. I had to think about Jeremy and his long-term mental health. Even if that made my life a bit harder, I would figure it out.
“I’m not saying he is a perfect man, but he didn’t deserve to be embarrassed like that. You should have come to me and told me how you were feeling. We could have talked about it. For God’s sake, we could have at least avoided a wedding,” she said, her voice losing some of the anger, and understanding was starting to filter into it. All of which was a good sign.
“I’m sorry. I just didn't think you would understand. You and Dad were so happy about the wedding, especially Dad. I didn’t think you would be on my side.”
Growing up, my mom had always tried to make sure my dad was happy. She had a lot of pressure on her to be the perfect wife. I knew things hadn’t been easy on her. There were plenty of times where we fought, and I felt like she was trying to force me to be someone that I wasn’t.
However, there had been times when her true self would poke through. Always when Dad wasn’t around. I remember one night when I was eight, and she came into my room at eleven o’clock at night, she told me to be super quiet because my dad was asleep, and we couldn’t wake him. She got me to toss on my shoes and coat and we got into the car and we drove completely out of the city into the country. It was pitch dark, and we got out and laid down on the hood of the car. I didn’t understand what we were doing, but then I looked up and the sky was covered in stars.
It had been the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. And then the meteor shower started, and I was speechless. It was stunning, absolutely breathtaking, and even to this day, I hadn’t seen anything like it. We were out until three in the morning. My mom talked about the different constellations and about how she had always dreamt of having a house in the country to be able to see the stars whenever she wanted. It was the first time I ever truly saw who my mother was.
My dad never knew. He still didn’t. It was our secret, and we had about a dozen of them that we both were going to take to our graves. That woman. That mom that I could tell my secrets to, that was the mom I would have opened up to about Adam. The problem was, I never knew when that mom was going to show.
“I know it might not seem it at times, but I am always on your side. I just want what is best for you and Jeremy, Honey. I know you have struggled with this life, with the expectations that society has put on you. I know things haven’t always been easy. It wasn’t easy for me either, but I adapted. I knew though that you never would. You have too much fire in you, and I am glad that it didn’t extinguish over the years. You can always tell me anything. I’m always on your side.”
Words could not describe how great a relief it was to hear her say that. To hear that she was on my side, even when I had questioned it at times. That didn’t mean I was going to spill my guts about having sex with Liam and that he was actually Jeremy’s father. Baby steps after all.
“I really appreciate that Mom.”
“Now your father is going to need some time. He’s on a warpath. Adam is also not happy about Jeremy being taken from him. There will need to be something done about that. Your father said you were being a nanny for Liam. Do you know how long you will be out there for?”
“I’m not sure yet. The job is for at least eight months. And honestly, depending on how things go, I might just stay here. The town is spectacular, and I’ve always loved being in small towns over the larger ones. I know staying here would make things complicated with Adam.”
There was a part of me that wanted to tell Liam about Jeremy because then I wouldn’t have to deal with Adam and the complicated matter of being across the country from each other. However, Liam discovering the truth would only bring a whole host of other problems. There really was no telling what would be better.
The guilt of the truth was only getting worse though the more I saw Christian and Jeremy playing together and getting to see how Liam interacts with his son and what he would be like with Jeremy as well. It wasn’t fair to any of them, but I was in for a penny, right?
“Life is often complicated. That doesn’t mean you take the easy way out. I am sure you both will be able to work through it and come to some sort of understanding. For Jeremy’s sake. Maybe that compromise is that during the summer months he stays with Adam. I don’t know,” my mom said, and I could tell she wasn’t real happy about not being around Jeremy as much either. I hated that all of this was so messy.
All of a sudden, a woman with long brown hair beelined it for the boys. Christian’s head turned, and the biggest smile I had ever seen overtook his face.
“Mom, I have to go. Someone is here to see Christian. I’ll call you in a couple of days,” I said as I got up.
“Okay Honey. I love you and give Jeremy a big kiss for me.”
“I will. We love you too,” I said before I ended the call and tucked the phone into my back pocket.
“I missed you,” the woman said as she picked Christian up.
“Excuse me,” I started as I closed the gap between us. “Hi, I’m Jasmine. Christian’s nanny. Whom might you be?”
I didn’t want to be rude in case this woman was his aunt or something. Christian clearly knew who she was and wasn’t scared by her.
She turned to me as she spoke, “My name is Ellis Mitchell. I am Christian’s mom.”
Oh, well that wasn’t what I had been expecting. I knew Liam was divorced, and he needed a nanny obviously. However, I didn’t really know anything about Christian’s mother.
“Mommy back?” Christian asked.
“I am my sweet boy,” she said to him before turning to me. “I was away on business for what felt like forever. I am now back in town and going to steal this little one for the day.” She tickled at Christian’s belly, and he gave the biggest of laughs.
“Does Liam know you are back?” I didn’t really know what the situation was between them, but I also didn’t want to step on anyone’s toes.
