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Londen,
Honestly,your message caught me off guard. Because I’d only said hi, I wasn’t expecting you to respond. I did want you to, but by the time I’d written your message, my social battery was empty. Truth—it was for a bet. My friends and I were talking and the bottom line was that men in prison, when they are pure and authentic, deserve love and companionship. We discussed how rehabilitated men that were still locked up deserve love from the outside world. I truly believe that and bet my friends that I could find a true friend or love by December. Honestly, I’m not looking for love here or anywhere, now or forever, but I was open to the idea of friendship.
I’m not sure how much of myself I want to give. I think it would be a safe space to share myself with someone I’d never see in person. You can share as much as you’d like to give. I don’t really know how we would do this. Our profiles give the basic facts like our names, age, and my profession. I haven’t paid the upcharge to see what you did and how long you have in there. If you want to share that with me, you can, if not, that’s okay too.
Lei was socontent with the message she’d gotten from Londen that she didn’t bother opening Tussi and Andre’s messages. Last she heard from Yandi, she’d matched with Tussi and Londen too. Mercedes had shifted all of her attention to one man—Noah. Lei wasn’t sure how she felt about Yandi talking to Londen and Tussi. Even with her reasoning, it didn’t sit well with her. The idea of Yandi supposedly talking to these men for intel, running the risk of falling for them herself, was also a reason Lei was hesitant to converse with the men. Londen, however, already had her interested enough to be worth the risk.
??????
Royalty,
You wanna knowwhat made me connect? You fine as fuck I can’t even lie. You got the kind of face that make a nigga wanna make love to you missionary so he can look into your eyes. I hope you don’t take offense to that. You’re really pretty, that’s what I’m trying to say. As a man, I’m stimulated most by what I see, and your looks captivated me. Do you really want to be my friend? If so, I would love that. I wanna know all there is to know about you. I wish we could talk on the phone, but I know you probably ain’t tryna do that no time soon. Either way I can talk to you, I wanna talk to you. I’m usually in the library every day at three, so if you want to do the live chat option, we can do it then.
Lei didn’t realizehow hard she was smiling from Tussi’s letter until a call from Jennifer came through and her smile fell. For a few seconds, Lei just stared at her phone as it rang. She hadn’t talked to Jennifer since she asked her to be a part of her wedding party. After talking to Infinity, Lei started to wonder if she was holding up the last part of her healing by remaining in contact with Jennifer. Every time they talked, she was taken back to their past together. Even though pain wasn’t always attached to the memory, Lei was tired of having the memories.
After clearing her throat, Lei answered with, “Hello?”
“Hey. I was calling to see if you’d given anymore thought to what we talked about.”
“Yes, I have actually. I… don’t think that’s a good idea, Jennifer.”
“Oh.” She paused. “Okay, I understand.”
“Also…” Lei sighed and closed her eyes. After breathing deeply, she said, “I think we should stop talking. I think I’ve talked to you as long as I have to prove to myself that I was okay, but I’m never going to get over what you and Marcus did or what Regal and Steven did as long as I’m talking to you. Our friendship is a constant reminder.”
“I… I’m sorry. I didn’t realize you felt that way.”
“Yeah, well, I didn’t either. I talked to a friend who made me realize that. If I want to truly heal and release any memory of that time in my life, I can’t talk to you anymore.”
“But do you… do you not want to remember anything at all? Was it so bad that you just… want to completely forget us, Royalty?”
Gritting her teeth, Lei swallowed hard. “It’s Lei, and no, it wasn’t always bad, but a lot of it was. Besides, no matter how good it was, you guys lied to me. I didn’t belong there with you. No amount of good times can change that.”
“Well, I certainly don’t want to make your life worse. When I told Marcus that I told you the truth, that day was a day of clarity and release for me. After all the years of hardening my heart because of that situation, that day, I finally felt free. I wanted to be better and treat you better and I don’t know… these conversations… they make me feel like I wasn’t the horrible person I know I had been in the past. That’s not your burden to bear, though. It’s not your responsibility to make me feel better about the way we treated you. I appreciate you talking to me for as long as you have and giving me a chance to show you I could be as good and loving to you as I was before things changed. My number will never change, and I’m always here if you ever want to talk.”
Lei nodded rapidly as her eyes watered. With flaring nostrils, she fought to compose herself. She didn’t think it would be this hard to say goodbye. Was it attachment or real love? Either way, no matter how hard it was, Lei was sure she was making the right decision.
“Thank you for understanding, Jennifer. I wish you nothing but the best, and I hope this new marriage is one that allows you to love and be loved in a healthy and prosperous way.”
“Thank you, Ro—Lei. I love you.”
A few beats of silence passed before Lei said, “I… love you too,” and quickly disconnected the call.
She wiped her face and released a hard breath before running her fingers through her braids.
“This is for the best,” she reminded herself, looking around her room. “No matter how it feels right now, this is for the best.”
Deciding not to message Tussi back, she made the mental note to live chat with him the next day. In that moment, all Lei wanted was to do was go to her parents’ home so their love could confirm she was doing the right thing.
fourteen
Londen hadno patience to wait for a computer to be freed up. Honestly, he didn’t have to. As soon as he entered the library, his eyes scanned the twelve computers. Tussi and Noah were seated on opposite sides, across from each other. The differences in both men were like night and day. In simplest terms, Noah was who Tussi aspired to be.
Walking toward where Noah was seated, Londen pulled in a deep breath. He couldn’t focus on his meditative hour wondering if Royalty… Lei… had messaged him back. He’d gotten a few messages from other women, beautiful women, but Lei was the one that intrigued him most. A part of Londen wondered if he could break the walls she had up and get her to be honest about who she was with him. Ace would hate it, but for some reason, Londen felt like he’d love it.
“Move,” he commanded, not bothering to raise his voice, and the man seated next to Noah quickly vacated his seat.
Tussi shook his head, grumbling, “Pussy ass nigga,” under his breath.
