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Ryan smiles, and also wishes he didn’t have to feel so grateful for the smile.
—
He texts hismom to say he won’t be home for dinner. She texts back to thank him for letting her know. He works late, then grabs some food at McDonald’s. There aren’t any textsfrom Avery because, Ryan’s sure, he’s having dinner with his parents.
The problem with McDonald’s is that he’s done with dinner in ten minutes. He thinks about going to see a movie or maybe dropping by Aunt Caitlin’s. But he’s also sleepy and doesn’t want to be a zombie in school tomorrow.
So he heads home. The benefit is that his parents are eating in the kitchen when he comes in.
“I’m going to bed!” he yells as he rushes up the stairs.
He hears a chair pushed back from the table, then his mom saying, “Just let him go.”
He locks the door again. Puts his car keys under his pillow. Sits in bed and tries to read.
His phone comes alive next to him. Avery, finally free.
The message, though, is the opposite of free.
It’s going to be a crazy week, with exams and the play. I probably won’t get to answer as quickly. But I know I’ll be seeing you for the show Friday. I’ll owe you a week’s worth of affection.
Ryan responds,I understand.
And hedoesunderstand. Even though it will make the week harder. He’s definitely feeling withdrawal, but the saving grace is that he knows it’s not from Avery withdrawing.
He tries to focus on his own schoolwork, his own friends. At lunch on Monday he tells everyone about the date and his parents’ reaction. Alicia is angry on his behalf, and he knows she can relate to some extent. Dez, whose parents lethim do whatever he wants as long as he gets good grades, is more fixated on the date than the parent trouble.
“Wow, it’s like you’re really serious with them. They’re a them, right?”
“No,” Ryan says. “Avery’s he/him. I’ve told you this before.”
Dez raises his hands. “Okay, okay!Sorry.”
Ryan knows this doesn’t come close to what Avery has to deal with, but it’s a glimpse. He has the urge to pour Dez’s soup over his head.
“Why are you such an asshole?” Alicia says. “Seriously. What the fuck?”
Dez looks to Flora and Miles for help. None arrives.
“He’s my boyfriend,” Ryan says quietly. “Do you have a problem with that, Dez?”
“Not at all! I was just trying to be respectful.”
Ryan doesn’t want to eat anymore. Not here.
Alicia tries to smooth things over. “I think it has to be serious, if he got you to wear a tie. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you wear a tie.”
Miles, his mouth full of chocolate milk, shakes his head. Then, after swallowing, he says, “The seventh-grade assembly! When he had to give the speech!”
Jesus. Right back to The Bad Year. Only Alicia knows how truly bad a year that was.
Miles looks at him now. “You still remember that speech?”
“Nope,” Ryan says. “Not even a little.”
“Too bad,” Miles says, picking up his chocolate milk. “I remember it being a good speech. Woulda loved to hear it again.”
Even as he’s having the conversation, Ryan wants to be telling Avery about it. Wants to be explaining what it means.
