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“Just like that.”
“Yup. You’re having what I call a claustrophobic moment. I used to have them all the time. It’s when you get so caught in a moment, you lose all sense of its actual size. It squeezes in on you with really high walls, so it’s hard to see past. You think everything needs to be decided. You think if you don’t do something this very moment, you’ll never do it. But nine hundred ninety-nine times out of a thousand, you actually have time to stop. To look over those walls. Or maybe realize they’re easy to move aside. Like now. I don’t know that much about your parents, but I don’t think they’re going to change the locks as soon as we get out of here. I don’t think they’re going to come in here and burn your clothes. Tidy them up, sure. But I don’t think you need to decide everything today. Take what you want, and leave the rest for another day. It’s not going anywhere. And you’re only going to the other side of town.”
Ryan puts his palms together and moves his hands so his thumbs cross his lips. Then he puts his hands down. He takes a breath, releases it. His eyes never leave Avery.
“Thank you,” he says. “You’re right.”
“Let’s leave all the green bags here. You can go through them another time.”
“Okay.”
“And let’s focus on what’s important to you. What do you need?”
Ryan picks up the duffel and heads to his bookshelf,taking down a set of notebooks and putting them safely inside. He doesn’t explain what they are, and Avery doesn’t need him to. Then he gets his laptop and all the wires for his laptop. His phone charger. A few books that were sitting by his bed, and a few more schoolbooks from his desk. A couple of photos of him and Alicia and their friends. One of him and Caitlin. He leaves the one of him as a kid with his parents. Avery is pretty sure it would have ended up in a green bag, before. He thinks this is probably better.
Ryan picks up a teddy bear from the same bedside table from which he took the books. “Allow me to introduce you to Bartholomew Bear,” he says to Avery.
“Nice to meet you, Bartholomew Bear,” Avery replies.
Bartholomew Bear nods to Avery, then Ryan turns him for a talk.
“I’m leaving you in charge,” he tells the bear. “If Toucan Charlie starts to pull his old tricks, you know how to reach me. And don’t forget to feed the socks. You know what happens if they’re not fed.”
Bartholomew Bear nods.
Avery watches as Ryan smiles, puts Bartholomew Bear back in his place. He wants to stop time, seal off this room, let the day lift away so they could be here together without any pressure, without any concern. Avery wants the full tour, the relaxed tour. He wants to get to know Bartholomew Bear and all the rest of the animals. He knows this will only welcome him to love Ryan more, because he will know more of Ryan to love.
“It wasn’t all bad here,” Avery says to Ryan.
“No,” Ryan agrees. “It wasn’t. Not even close. But the best times were when I was alone. Or when friends were over.”
“Well, I’m a friend. And I’m over.”
“Yeah, well.” Ryan looks a little sheepish. “There was one thing I never did with any of my friends.”
Avery moves a little closer. “What was that?”
Ryan erases the rest of the distance, leans in, and whispers, “This.”
They kiss and kiss and kiss. Then Ryan pulls back and, in a move profoundly endearing to Avery, takes off his sneakers before lowering onto the bed. Avery follows both actions.
They roll around and kiss for a while. Then Avery stops, pulls back, and says, “You know…you’re a liar.”
Ryan raises an eyebrow. “Am I?”
“You said there was only one thing you never did with your friends. But I think there are lots of things you’ve never done in this room.”
Ryan holds up his hands in defeat. “You’re right. I lied. But I swear, it was only to get you into my bed.”
“Looks like your plan worked.”
They kiss again.
—
There is apart of Ryan that thinks:It’s about time.
To be in this bed with someone he cares about. To have his room witness who he’s become, what he is capable of doing, who he is capable of loving.
