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It feels amazing, and it also feels like part of the goodbye.
Yes, there’s a part of him that can be here with Avery and enjoy the heat of their bodies, the humor of their words, and the fact that the world feels right-sized for once.
But the other part of him…well, the other part of him is still listening for the first sign of the garage door.
—
The kissing growsintense, but then it slows. They lie there facing each other, Ryan running a hand over Avery’s arm, up to touch his face, to confirm he is, in fact, here. Avery runs his hand under Ryan’s shirt, rests his palm on Ryan’s heartbeat as it, too, slows back to its everyday rhythms.
No music is playing, and no music is needed. All Avery hears is breathing and thoughts, breathing and thoughts.
“We should bring the things to the truck,” Ryan says. “Before they get back.”
Avery says okay, but they take another minute to lie there, to exist in that twofold space, before sitting up, putting their sneakers back on, and resuming their task. When Caitlin texts to say things are wrapping up soon with Ryan’s parents, Ryan and Avery move even faster. In truth, it doesn’t take long, since they’re leaving all the green bags behind. They’re only taking the things Ryan wants to take.
Once the truck is loaded, Avery asks Ryan, “Are you forgetting anything?”
And Ryan smiles and says, “I’m sure I am. But that’s okay, you know?”
—
The whole week,when Ryan was imagining this moment, it was a big cleave, him planting his flag on the side of After and banishing all vestiges of Before. But that’s not how he feels, now that he’s gotten to it. He may never live here again, but he’ll be back. Right now, it’s just him closing the door, locking it, and driving off.
—
They arrive backat Caitlin’s house around the same time she does. The three of them empty the back of the truck, and then she says they need to sit down at the kitchen table and have a talk. Ryan and Avery both appreciate that Avery is automatically included.
“How did it go?” Ryan asks.
“It went better than I expected,” Aunt Caitlin reports. “I might even say much better than I expected…although that probably says as much about my expectations as it does about what actually went down.”
“What did they say?”
“Well, the strange part is that they seem more confused than angry. They genuinely don’t understand what they did to make you want to move in with me. I told them it wasn’t my place to explain—that’s between the three of you, and it’s not something that can be resolved secondhand. But I told them it wasn’t a whim or a phase, and it wasn’t you ‘acting out,’ which is a phrase my sister likes touse for anything that doesn’t conform to her standards of behavior. That’s nothing new. I said, from what I can tell, there was a time they could have made it right, but that time passed without any effort on their part. They say they didn’t see it, they didn’t know for sure…and I can’t honestly say whether they were telling me that, or just telling themselves that, if you know what I mean. They want you back, but they didn’t talk about any changes that would happen on their end if you returned. They just want it to be like it was.”
“According to them.”
“Of course. Their version of like it was. But, in fairness, they also recognize that isn’t going to happen, and they said they were grateful that you could come here, and that you haven’t gone any farther or done anything else.” Caitlin turns to Avery now. “I won’t lie—they definitely think you had something to do with this.”
“It was a Big Gay Brainwashing!” Ryan proclaims sarcastically.
Aunt Caitlin chuckles, but she also shakes her head. “I’m sure that’s part of where they’re coming from. But they also know this is your first time. And everyone, gay or straight, can be a fool when it comes to their first time.”
Avery and Ryan blush a little. Caitlin chuckles again, and pats Avery on the hand.
“Don’t you worry,” she says. “It seems to me you’re erring on the side of good foolishness, not bad foolishness. To which I say: Carry on.”
“Do you mind if we wait until you leave the room?” Avery asks.
Now Caitlin swats at him. “Respect your elders!”
Both of them laugh, but Ryan wants to finish the conversation from before.
“So how did you leave it?” he asks. “With them?”
Caitlin becomes serious again. “I promised them you’d go to school every single day, get your work done, and stay out of trouble…which, from what I’ve seen this past week, is a pretty easy promise to make. I also promised I’d try to get you to talk to them…and I want to try, not just for them, but for you. They also offered to give me some money for your room and board, which was a decent thing for them to do. And I took it, because let’s face it, Ryan—I’m a one-slice-of-pizza person and you are an only-one-slice-left kind of guy, and while that is very complementary, it also means buying a whole lot more pizza than I was planning to buy.”
“You know I’ll chip in,” Ryan says.
