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“It’s so soon,” she said. “Way too soon.”
“It’s going to be okay,” I said. “These doctors know what they’re doing. Everything is going to be just fine.”
Another nurse came in, doing a terrific job of ignoring the obvious and treating Allison directly. Eventually, I heard her whisper if she was okay with me being there, which Allison nodded and said yes to. After that, the nurse looked at me.
“Is there something I can get you, sir?” she asked.
“Other than my healthy baby, no,” I said.
She nodded and looked back to Allison.
“The doctor is on his way in, but I think we are going to transfer you on up to the maternity ward now,” she said.
A knock on the door behind her was followed by the sliding door opening and an older doctor coming in. She had a kindly but stern face. Immediately, I could feel myself relax. I trusted this woman on sight alone.
“Hello, Miss Daniels. I’m Doctor Stanley. You just might have a baby today.”
She smiled wide, and Allison’s fingers interlaced with mine.
“We,” she said. “We might have a baby.”
Dr. Stanley looked me up and down, the smile never faltering.
“Of course,” she said.
They took her up, and adrenaline was the only thing keeping me going. Eventually, someone brought me a T-shirt, one with the hospital logo emblazoned on it, and Allison was taken for some exams. I was directed toward the coffee section in a waiting room, and as I sat down, I could feel the anxiety winding me up.
I texted Marvin and let him know what was going on. He offered to bring me anything I needed, and I realized that I was going to need different pants and shoes. It hit me that Allison had driven my truck to work that day, as I had been getting rides from some of the other fireman rather than drive. It was so that she had a reliable car to drive if she needed it. But my bug-out bag was still inside, with a fresh change of clothes and a bunch of toiletries.
Marvin was on the job immediately, and thirty minutes later returned with my bag. They let him up into the waiting room with me, and after he passed off the bag, he also handed me a Ziplock bag with some sandwiches that his wife had made for me. I thanked him, and as he left, I went into the bathroom to change.
I had no more gotten out, feeling lighter and less achy without the heavy boots to lug around, than the doc came back. It was still two months before the baby was supposed to come, so they were going to try to stop the labor. I was scared out of my mind, but the doctor assured me it would be okay.
As I was led back to her room, I thought about how terrified I was. It was all I could think about. It felt as if I had just found out about this baby a short time ago, and already I could see the family I was supposed to have. I was counting on it. Now it was slipping through my fingers, and it reminded me of how hard I had tried to save my men in the desert and how they too were lost before I could accomplish my goal.
Allison could see something was wrong, but she was suddenly serenely calm. She put one hand on mine, and I looked into her soulful eyes. The nurses had left, and we were alone for once.
“Breathe,” she said. “It’s going to be okay. This baby is going to be strong, just like its father. If it’s time, it’s time. We will get through it. Together.”
“But—” I began.
Her eyes clenched shut again, and a monitor beside me began to beep wildly. The nurses rushed in and pushed me aside. One of them looked to the other and then darted out of the room. Seconds later, she returned with Dr. Stanley.
“Babe?” I asked.
“It will be strong,” she struggled to say. “Just like its father.”
“Okay, folks,” Dr. Stanley said. “No more maybes. We are having a baby today.”
18
ALLISON
If they couldn’t stop the labor, then I was going to set my mind to bringing my baby into the world as safely and quickly as possible. Ryan looked like he was beside himself next to me, and I reached out my hand to grab his. The contraction was strong, and I clenched my eyes tight, letting it roll through me. I didn’t want drugs. I didn’t want to get opened up. I wanted to do this the most natural way possible and give my baby the best chance at life it could have.
What I didn’t expect was the intensity of the pain to drain my energy. As the day wore on and contraction after contraction hit, I felt like I was losing bits of my sanity with each one. Concepts like time were meaningless. All that mattered was the small room they had me in, Ryan’s hand in mine, and his soft, deep voice talking me through my labor, his eyes locked on mine as I tried not to watch the doctors.
