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‘So your grandmother raised you after that.’
Jack was about to nod, then reminded himself his wife wanted the truth. She deserved it, not a glossed-over version of it.
Elisabeth was stronger than he’d given her credit for. In the early days of their relationship, especially after discovering she was a virgin, he’d vowed to protect her and it had become habit. Now he realised that if she needed protecting it wasn’t from the truth.
He’d give her what she wanted, though his murky beginnings made him feel tainted. He swallowed. That didn’t matter.
‘From before then. I ran away to her house one night when I was six and stayed there after that, except when I was at boarding school.’
She looked horrified and her fingers tightened around his. ‘Your parents were violent to you?’
‘No. They’d forgotten I was even there. I’d eaten breakfast cereal for dinner and got myself bathed and ready for bed. But I’d hoped one of them would read me a bedtime story.’ He should have known better but in those days he’d still hoped for some tenderness from his parents.
‘That was the night I saw my mother aim a tumbler of whisky at my father’s head and he tried to throttle her. I ran away to get help. Looking back on it now, they were already ripping each other’s clothes off by the time I left but I didn’t understand it was their idea of foreplay.’
‘I don’t know what to say,’ she repeated. Her husky voice told him he’d wrung her tender heart.
Jack hauled air into stifled lungs and withdrew his hand. He wasn’t that scared little boy now. He didn’t need her concern, though it would be easy to bask in her sympathy.
‘You were close to your grandmother?’
He shrugged. ‘She wasn’t a cosy, motherly sort of woman but she loved me in her own way.’ Elisabeth clearly wanted more. ‘She didn’t bake cakes or read stories but she was there when I needed her. And she was always encouraging if I studied hard and got good marks, or excelled at anything like sport and debating.’ Her praise had spurred him to work harder and achieve more. ‘She kept me on the straight and narrow and it’s because of her that I became focused on success.’
Jack paused. ‘She died the year I made my first million.’
‘I’m sorry. That must have been incredibly hard.’
He nodded. It had been. He’d looked forward to her approval at his achievement. It was strange how empty it had felt without someone with whom to celebrate. He’d buried his disappointment and concentrated on the next business goal and the next.
‘There’s not much more to say. It wasn’t an ideal childhood but it made me strong.’
Elisabeth didn’t look convinced. She looked...worried, and he could guess why. She was judging him on his past. His muscles tensed and his heart throbbed faster.
He leaned forward, determined to make her understand.
‘You’re thinking I don’t come from a stable background. Everyone talks about how important stability is for a child and how children learn their behaviour from parents.’
Jack paused, realising he was speaking too fast. Because this was vital. He made himself slow down.
‘You’re wondering what sort of father I’ll make, given my history. But it’s precisely because of that that I’ll be a good father. I know about unreliable, uncaring parenting. I know how important routine is for a child, plus trust and caring. Things I didn’t experience or only experienced occasionally when one of my parents was trying to prove to the other that I loved them more.’
There’d been confusing times when his mother had lavished love on him, only to ignore him when she lost interest.
The touch of gentle fingers on his clenched fist banished those memories. He saw sadness in Elisabeth’s gaze and his stomach dropped.
‘That’s why you weren’t interested in having children? Because of your family?’
Jack hesitated. If he admitted his deepest fear that at some level he might prove as callous and selfish as his parents, it would be an argument against him raising their baby. That fear had made him shy from the idea of having children. But now their baby was a reality, his determination to be a good father eclipsed everything else.
And he’d promised the truth. ‘Yes. That’s one of the reasons.’ The other being that he’d never met a woman with whom he could imagine having a family. Until now. ‘Can you blame me?’
Bess shook her head. ‘It makes perfect sense.’
No wonder children hadn’t figured in his plans. She looked at his clenched jaw, the pulse ticking beneath his bronzed skin and tension clear in the set of his shoulders.
Had he wondered if he’d be a poor father? That he might have inherited bad traits?
He might have read her mind for he circled back to that, voice earnest. ‘I’ll work to be the best father our child can have, believe me. You know how hard I can work.’
