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Tru
ILOOK UP FEMALE EJACULATIONin between pulling drafts, and am relieved I didn’t wet myself last night, but I’m not sure how I feel about Nash knowing secrets about my body that I didn’t even know.
He’s acting weirder today than even yesterday. I thought we went someplace new, but now he’s running even faster in the other direction.
After we close the pub, I turn on some jazz standards, but he doesn’t spin me around the bar like before. I’m trying to work up some anger, but when I sneak looks at him, he’s so...sad. His long face is pulling feelings from me like...go comfort him. But the wall he’s built is awkward. I really don’t know what to do. I thought I had it handled with the “just seduce him” thing, but that only seems to work in the moment. A very fine moment, but it doesn’t carry over.
I don’t even know what I want from him. I thought it was just the sex. But the space around my heart is physically aching from the space between us. I want the friend. I want the lover. I want the business partner. But it feels like I might only end up with “that guy I used to know.”
What a sad thought. That space around my heart squeezes a little more.
I really like Nash. Most of the time. He’s funny, level-headed, more caring than he knows. He’s a good man. Despite my disturbing his whole life, he’s shown me how to stand on my own feet. How to learn new things. He takes care of me without making me feel like I can’t do it myself.
We make it through the whole day acting like strangers. This evening, he is hanging up the dog leashes on the hooks he installed near the apartment door this afternoon when he hangs his head.
“Nash, what is wrong? You’ve been acting strangely all day.”
He crosses the room like it’s the corridor to the electric chair. “I don’t want you to get the wrong idea about us. What this is.”
“Okay.” My head is held high, but my knees feel a little shaky. He’s breaking things off then.
“I’m not trying to hurt your feelings.”
I nod. Of course not. “Have I done something wrong?”
He tunnels his hands through his thick hair, mussing it up sexily. “No, of course not. We just need to create better boundaries. We are done with the sex.”
“I see.” Shame fires inside my belly. “This is about the...squirting thing, isn’t it?” I should have known it wasn’t as great as he pretended.
“No. Not at all.” His hands clench into fists, once, twice. “That was actually the most awesome thing ever. This has nothing to do with you. It’s just...with us living together... I mean in the same apartment, and working together, the sex is confusing things. It’s getting too domestic.”
The old Tru is trying to break into my thoughts with embarrassment or low confidence, but the new Tru, the one I’m building from scratch, is actually doing some quick calculations.
He continues as if he can’t see the shift coming over me. He goes into the kitchen and starts the kettle, pulling two mugs down and opening the box of tea. “I don’t want you to get the wrong idea. I’m not the settling down type.”
I cross my arms over my chest, watching him as he carries on with making tea.Tea. “You certainly are not domesticated at all.”
He apparently doesn’t hear the sarcasm. “Right. That’s what I’m saying.” He gets a fresh towel out from the drawer and wipes down the counter. “I like being single. And you’re the kind of woman who needs a different kind of man.”
