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“Sure I am.”
He switches the magnet on the dishwasher and opens it to empty it, pulling out the rack. “Why is your dildo in here?”
“I wanted to clean it before I used it.”
He stands up and scrubs his hands over his stubbled cheeks. “Right, okay. You haven’t, uh, used it yet.”
I shake my head and meander over. We both stare at it. “No. Haven’t had a chance. Guess I will now. Since you and I are done with the whole sex thing.”
He swallows hard, his hands clenching and unclenching repeatedly. “Tru...I—”
Whatever he was going to say is swallowed by the shrilling whistle of the kettle. He shakes his head to clear it and pulls the kettle off the heat, pouring the water into the cups.
But not in a domesticated way, of course.
“I’ll just take my tea into my room,” I say, making a show of plucking the dildo from the rack first. “Thank you for being honest with me.”
I smile and he narrows his eyes. “You’re thinking that you’re going to seduce me again. You think I have no willpower and that the idea of you and that purple...that I won’t be able to stop myself.”
“Nope. I heard you loud and clear. We are done having sex together. You don’t want me to fall for you because you are happy being alone, so you’re doing me a big favor by saving my heart from the inevitable breakup that is coming because you don’t think I can handle a purely sexual relationship.”
“What are you up to?”
“I’m up to having a purely sexual relationship with my new toy. I hope I don’t develop too many feelings for it. Since I’m prone to throwing my heart around, obviously.”
“I knew you wouldn’t take this well.”
“I’m taking it just fine. I think what you want is for me to throw myself at your feet and beg you to love me, but that’s not going to happen. I was just fine with having a lover. I’m happy being single. I thinkyouare the one getting all the feels, as Stella would say, and that scares the crap out of you.”
“You’re crazy. It would be insane for two people like us to fall in love. We have nothing in common.” He pulls the bag out of my mug and stirs some honey into my tea. Just the way I like it. “I don’t know the first thing about relationships or putting someone else first. And you’re still recovering from having your heart ripped out.”
“I most certainly am not. Richard humiliated me, hurt my pride, but my heart is just fine, thank you very much.”
He makes eye contact with me for the first time tonight, and my world shifts. He’s looked at me with annoyance. He’s looked at me with amusement. He’s looked at me with hunger. This is something completely new.
He’s never looked at me in love before.
Or maybe I just didn’t see it before. Maybe I was too wrapped up in my feelings of inadequacy to notice. And now I can’t not see it. The light in his gorgeous eyes when he looks at me. “You’re falling for me,” I don’t realize the words have tumbled out of my mouth until it’s too late to scoop them back in.
Panic shadows his face. “No.” He shakes his head vehemently. “No, Tru.”
“You are,” I continue, heedless, I guess. “You are. That’s what this is about. You’re not trying to protect my heart. You’re trying to protect yours.”
“Woman, you have been nothing but a trip to Crazy Town since you got here.”
“It’s all right, Nash. I know this isn’t what either of us wanted. We just need to think it through.”
I look around the apartment, the home he’s welcomed me into. The dogs are cuddled together on a bed. Everything fits. I panic a little. “How did we let this happen?”
“We didn’t let anything happen, but I see you are proving my point. I knew you were getting the wrong idea.”
I most certainly cannot fall in love. Not now. Not with him. I mean, he’s great. Better than great. It’s me—I can’t be vulnerable. Not again. Not ever again. That doesn’t mean I don’t get a little flustered with the look of horror in his eyes. “Look, I know why I’m not interested in a relationship. But what exactly is your deal? I mean not just with me, but in general? With relationships?”
“I just never wanted to settle down.”
I take a sip of my tea. Again, he’s not seeing how settled he is. “But why? Did you have a bad breakup?”
“No.”
