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As soon as the thought enters my mind, guilt rushes through me. It’s just a baby. Not its fault I had sex with my brother and made it.
I wonder how Ronan will feel once he learns that I’m pregnant.
Something tells me he might be happy. Another part of me worries he will shut me out again. Of course, this makes me cry some more. No wonder Mom is always so emotional when she’s pregnant. It’s literally out of her control. I sort of feel sorry for her now.
Sniffling, I swipe away the ongoing tears and stagger out a breath of frustration. Once Mom figures out I’m pregnant, she’s going to freak out. I could lie to her and tell it was from CJ. We all know Destiny was raped by Jace. It’s not a stretch to claim that as well for myself. But that feels icky. Like I’d be taking something from Ronan and that’s the last thing I want to do.
I need to tell Ronan.
Confessing to him that we made a baby will help me not feel so alone. I have to believe that since he seems happier, he’ll take the news well. I need him to take it well. I’m tired of feeling alone in general but more so now that I have concluded I’m pregnant.
This evening, after dinner, that’s what I’ll do.
I’ll tell him and he’ll make it all better.
With new hope trickling through me, I dry my tears one last time and climb back down.
As soon as Ronan gets up from our dinner at the firepit, I wait a few seconds and then follow after him. He barely makes it into Ryder’s cabin that he’s taken over before I rush in after him.
“Hey,” I mutter, muscles coiled and tense. “What’s up?”
He whirls around and flashes me a small smile. “Not much. What’s up with you?”
I stiffen, wondering if he can tell. Is my face rounder? Do I smell like this morning’s puke despite brushing my teeth three times? Can he see my swollen eyes from my emotional breakdown on the roof earlier today?
If he does notice any of that, he doesn’t say anything. I watch woodenly as he adds logs to the fireplace. He sits down to pull off his boots and then tosses his coat over onto the sofa. Boldly, he strips out of his jeans and replaces them with his comfy sleep pants.
“Wanna talk?” he asks as he sits on the edge of the bed.
“Yes.” My voice is a tiny squeak so unlike me it has him frowning in concern.
“Get comfy.” He gestures to my boots and coat. “I’ll keep you warm.”
The cold tension freezing my muscles thaws a bit. I shakily yank off my boots and coat before moving toward the bed. He pulls back the quilt, eases under the covers, and then pats the place beside him. Needing his touch more than anything, I dive under the covers with him, throwing my arms around his middle and burying my face against his chest.
“I hate you,” I remind him, tears already forming. “I love you too. I’ve missed you. You abandoned me and broke my heart. Why do you always shut me out?”
Hearing the sadness in my voice, he hugs me tighter and kisses the top of my head. “I’m sorry. I don’t mean to and I’m going to work on that. Things are…better.I’mbetter.”
Must be nice.
I’m falling apart.
“I’ve been so alone. Both of you just left me.”
“I know and I’m sorry. I’ll keep apologizing until you believe me, Rae.”
His sincerity is believable, to which I’m thankful.
“Ronan,” I say, tilting my head up so I can look at him. “There’s something you need to know.”
His fingers stroke my hair out of my face. It’s grown some since Mya whacked it all off and I’m glad. I hated it so short but had to do the best with what I had. It’s finally long enough to pull back into a ponytail.
“Tell me anything,” he murmurs, gaze intense and imploring. “I’m always here for you.”
His words give me faith that he’s not going to run the other way. Dipping forward, he presses a sweet kiss to my forehead. I melt at the simple affection.
Here goes nothing…
