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My stomach roils at the thought of losing any of my siblings.
“Raegan probably already mouthed off and got herself killed,” Wild agrees with a snort. “We should pack it up and head back.”
Rowdy bristles at Wild’s words but doesn’t say anything. In fact, he hasn’t said much at all this entire trip. Wild keeps saying things to rile him up, but Rowdy’s not rising to the bait.
When neither of us says anything to Wild’s attempt to stir the pot, he huffs and then stomps off to his tent. Me and my brother sit in silence, the crickets singing in the dark, until I’m sure Wild has finally fallen asleep.
“Hey,” I mutter, elbowing Rowdy. “What’s your deal with him anyway?”
Rowdy doesn’t speak for a full minute before a sigh rasps out of him. “He hates me. Thinks punishing me is his job now.”
I roll my eyes in the dark. “I could figure that out on my own. But why, man? What happened when you stayed with them four years ago?”
With only the moonlight shining through the trees, it’s hard to make out Rowdy’s shadowed expression. We’d decided against fires in case we get close to the traveling group. No more fires and no more gunshots if we want to have the element of surprise.
“I wanted to go experience life,” Rowdy says, voice soft. “Back then, I’d felt trapped at home, you know? Every day was the same with the same people. Pretty boring. I’m sure you get that.”
He was my age when he left us. Difference is, he chose to leave, whereas Dad was going to make me leave. Not sure that’s on Dad’s list of priorities anymore. I can certainly hope not.
“Sure.” My lie seems obvious to me, but Rowdy relaxes and continues.
“I showed up at Uncle Atticus’s. Evan, Wild’s cousin, was there. It was nice to hang out with another guy—a man.” He picks up a stick and snaps it in two. “Wild seemed so…young. Like a little boy and so far from who I was becoming. No offense, but he was like my little brother and I was trying to get away from all that.”
Allthatbeing us.
Nice.
Rather than bite out a retort, I wait for him to continue.
“Evan was cool. Funny as shit. And he got me to try things. It was exactly the experience I was after.”
“How does Wild come into play?” I ask, canting my head to look at him better. “He was annoyed with not being the center of attention?”
Rowdy pauses for a bit and then tosses one of his broken sticks away from us. “Something like that.”
“Dude, that’s all you’re giving me? For fuck’s sake—”
“I kissed him. Evan. We were drinking, smoking a little pot, and then we were kissing. It happened all so fast.”
I’m reeling at his words. “You’re gay?”
Rowdy scoffs. “I don’t think so. I mean, I liked everything that happened, but when I see my future, I see a wife. It was just fun. Felt good, you know?”
We both grow silent for a couple of minutes before he starts speaking again.
“I’d heard something and assumed Wild saw us because he was different toward me after that. Pissed and refused to speak to me for a long time. I never could figure out why, though. Maybe he thought it was wrong I was kissing a guy or he was mad that it was his cousin? I have no idea, but he’s been shitty toward me ever since.”
“How come you came back if you were living your best life and experiencing fun shit?”
Rowdy grunts, reminding me of Dad. “I learned the hard way that life out there isn’t always fun.”
“When you came back, you isolated yourself,” I murmur. “Did something bad happen?”
“You could say that.”
“I’m sorry, man. You know you can tell me. I’m not going to judge you or anything.”
He picks up another stick and starts snapping it into small pieces. Whatever happened it’s something he clearly feels nervous talking about. It makes me wonder if I even want to hear what it is.
