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“I had sex with Evan,” he blurts out. “It wasn’t long after Evan got an apartment, leaving Wild’s house where he was staying. I went with him. That’s when all the sex stuff started.”
“Oh.”
“At first, it was good. Lots of blow jobs, frotting, hand jobs.” He lets out a small chuckle. “I really thought I’d hit the jackpot. No responsibilities to speak of, I was getting off all the damn time, and smoking weed was relaxing. I fucking loved it.”
Dread pools in the pit of my stomach. “Until you didn’t?”
“Yeah. Until I didn’t.” He scrubs a palm over his face, leaving his hand there as if to cover his expression from me. “I was cool with everything we’d been doing. He’d mentioned me bottoming for him a time or two, but I wasn’t interested. Sounded kind of painful, to be honest.”
I’m not completely sure what bottoming means, but I’m not an idiot. I’m guessing penetration. Evan wanted to penetrate his ass. It makes my own asshole tighten. It does sound painful if you are on the receiving end.
“I told him no. He was pissy about it, but he seemed to get over it.” He rises to his feet and paces back and forth in front of me. “One day, he got me shitfaced drunk. I don’t remember much, but it happened between us. The pain was there the next day, but I figured I’d survived.”
“But you said no…”
Rowdy pauses. “I guess when I was drunk, I said yes.”
The whole situation makes my skin itchy. I don’t like that he isn’t sure.
“We started drinking more and more, which led to more fucking.” He sighs heavily. “And then, I don’t know, I was just bored of it.”
“Evan didn’t take that well?”
“Fuck no. He wanted…I don’t know. A relationship? But I wasn’t there for that. I still wanted to have a wife, have children, eventually come back home to be with my family. What I had with Evan was just sex and fun.”
I don’t speak or breathe, desperate to know the rest of the story. My quiet brother is a vault. For him to reveal this part of himself, I feel like I’m getting a glimpse inside of Rowdy’s head that’s never been seen before.
“Evan started throwing these parties where he invited everyone. The quality of these people was not the best, but I was meeting girls, which I liked. One girl dragged me into the bathroom and gave me a sloppy blowjob that left red lipstick all over my dick. It was hot and wild. I was back to having the best time of my life.”
Now that Rowdy’s lid has been lifted, all sorts of shit is spilling out of him. All I can do is intently listen, eager to know how this story plays out.
“I admitted to him later that night that I was with this girl. He was pissed, but we weren’t a couple or anything. We got into a big fight, though. He nearly broke my nose in a rage. Cops got called and everything. Luckily, it was Will, Evan’s dad who responded, so neither of us got into any trouble.”
“Evan seems like a total asshole,” I grunt. “I’ve only met him a handful of times and he seemed fine then, but I’ve definitely changed my stance now.”
“The next day, when we were both sober and everyone was gone, he begged me not to leave. Said I was his best friend. I wanted to believe him that we were cool.” He sits back down beside me and lets loose a pained groan. “The next party we had, Evan stayed glued to my hip. It was annoying until he told me about a new party favor he had that would fuck me up real good. Since he scared away any potential girls who might want to have sex, I was game.”
“What was it?” I ask, voice soft. “What was the party favor?”
Rowdy tenses and shoves his sleeve up. I can’t see anything in the moonlight, but I stare down at where his thumb rubs the crease in his arm near his elbow. “Heroin. I didn’t really know what it was, and supposedly neither did he. Like an idiot, I let one of his friends inject me with that shit.” He lets out a whoosh of breath. “It turned me inside out. Drowned me in warm bliss. Took away my every worry.”
“Sounds terrifying.”
“At the time, no. Evan got really good at cooking the shit up himself and jabbing us both, so we no longer needed his friends. Our big parties became parties of two. Months went by where all we did was fuck and get high.” He buries his face in his hands. “I didn’t recognize who the fuck I even was anymore. Anytime I showed any dissatisfaction with how my life turned out, Evan would seduce me with the heroin and soon I’d be blissed the fuck out again.”
“I thought Uncle Atticus was supposed to keep an eye on you. Where was he?”
“Around. But not enough. I think he thought we were typical roommates who drank a little too much.”
“What made you decide you’d had enough?”
The crickets all seem to grow silent, they too anticipating what he’ll say next.
“I…” He groans and tugs at his hair. “One day, I told him I didn’t want his stupid drugs or him. That I was leaving. I’d had it with the bullshit. I felt trapped and controlled by Evan.”
You think? Wisely, I keep my trap shut.
“He beat the fuck out of me, man. Cracked a few ribs, busted my lip, blackened both eyes. It hurt so bad. I hated him.”
