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I’m not exactly trying to break up with the guys, because there is nothing to break. We’re not in any sort of committed relationships. I’m not their girlfriend, and they are not my boyfriends.
So far as I can tell, we’re really just doing the deed. Of course, I have noticed each of them at different times giving me the sort of look every woman hopes she’ll get from a guy. And I can’t deny my heart does a little flip when I run into one of them at work. Leo passed through my floor the other day to meet with one of theGlistenphotographers, and I almost had a heart attack when he winked, passing my cube.
But all that doesn’t amount to a hill of beans. It’s immaterial. I got what I wanted, and so did they. Time to move on.
So while I’m no expert, or even an amateur, I started casting the seeds of doubt just last night, when I went home with Leo.
After our crazy sex session, I must have conked out for a while. When I woke up, our fingers were intertwined.
So I unwound them and scooted out of his reach. Once out of bed, I got dressed in minutes, making my excuses to leave. While it was all for the best, the look on his face about killed me. In fact, I cried the whole way home.
It had to be done, though. The only thing bigger than the guilt washing over me was the unexpected sense of loss.
How could I be feeling a loss? You can’t lose something you never had, can you? Leo’s not my boyfriend. We are not romantically linked.
And yet.
I must do the same with Jasper and Ethan.
Before I do, however, I get a message from my brother, Andy.
Yo little sis. Thinking of coming to town.
Great. That will be fun. When?
This weekend. Will be nice to see you, Jasper, run around the city…
Oh shit. Oh no. He can’t come this weekend. I’m still working on dumping the guys. Well, not really dumping them, but putting an end to our… whatever it is. Without them realizing it, of course. I’ll just slither away and they won’t know it until I’m gone.
This weekend not good. Sorry.
Okay. How about the next?
I can’t put him off for too long. He’ll know something is up. And the last thing he needs to know is I’m sleeping with three guys, one of whom is his best buddy from college. I’m going to have to work fast. Really fast.
Sounds good. Let me know your travel details.
Meet me at the train station?
No way. No one meets anyone at the train station here. Take a cab.
Still a brat, I see…
Next day, Ethan and I head out to the senior center to see his gray-haired friends.
Trudy clasps my hands as soon as she sees me and gives me a peck on the cheek. “My dear, you are more beautiful than ever. Ethan, you landed a good one here. You’re such a lovely couple.”
Her husband George nods enthusiastically.
I chuckle. “Oh, Trudy, we’re not a couple,” I say with a wave of my hand.
The smile falls off her face and she looks at Ethan, then back to me. “What?”
I answer before Ethan can say anything. “We’re friends, Trudy. That’s it,” I say with special emphasis onit.
I try not to look at Ethan. I’m scared shitless of what his expression might be. But he throws an arm around my shoulders, anyway.
Time for the big guns.
