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‘You’ll be a great father. I know you will.’ She placed the palm of her other hand on his cheek. ‘You mean so much to me, but I don’t need you. I can be enough for myself and our child. And he will be the luckiest little boy in the world, because both his parents will love him very much, but I can’t do this. So my decision is made. I’m sorry.’ Hannah pulled away from Matt and strode from the room.
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
MATT RUSHED AFTER HANNAH, following her into her room. She pulled her small suitcase out from the dressing room and began haphazardly packing it with her clothes. Hers, Matt noted—not any of the garments he had purchased for her. She was walking out and not even letting him do what he’d promised to—provide. His stomach was turning over. He couldn’t let her go.
‘Hannah, please. Reconsider.’
Her eyes met his and they looked so tired. This was wrong. It was all wrong. He tried to reach for her but she stepped away, shaking her head.
‘What about our son? I don’t want to miss anything.’ Matt was trying so hard to rein in the panic in his gut. Hide the fact that he was breaking apart, watching Hannah dump the contents of her closet into the bag, but that control seemed like such an alien thing right now. No matter how hard he reached for it, it wouldn’t come to him.
‘You won’t, Matt. You can see him whenever you want. I would never keep you away. But “us” can’t happen. It can’t be one-sided. This is for the best.’ She slammed the hard-shell case shut and placed it on the floor. Matt looked around wildly for any bit of divine inspiration to keep her here. To stop her from walking out of his life.
Hannah looked at the ring on her finger and pried it off, placing it gently in his hand that she had taken in hers. She made to remove the necklace given to her the night before, but Matt wouldn’t let her.
‘No. You’re keeping that.’
Hannah grabbed the handle of the suitcase and turned to leave.
Matt’s throat was thick, burning. ‘At least let me drive you wherever you want to go.’ He ran his fingers through his hair in desperation. ‘Go to Sarah, then. I promise not to call but you’ll be safe. She’ll take care of you.’
Hannah’s eyes softened then, filled with tears, and his heart desiccated.
‘Bye, Matt.’
She turned around and walked into the lift and, as much as he wanted to follow her, he knew she would turn him back.
The doors slid closed and then there was silence pressing in on him from every side, deafening, suffocating. He was so utterly broken. He stared at the closed lift doors, polished and sealed shut, taunting him. He wanted to rip it apart. He wanted to rip apart this whole goddamned apartment. His family was gone.
In a daze, he went back into Hannah’s room. Her scent hung in the air. In his hand, twinkling as if the world wasn’t ending, sat her ring. He curled his fist around it until it felt as though the diamonds would tear into his skin. At least that pain would feel better than this.
He couldn’t breathe. Couldn’t stay here a moment longer.
Grabbing his wallet and keys from his office, Matt left the apartment as if he were being chased by the hounds of hell. He needed out. Pressing the button on his key fob once when he got down to the parking garage, he realised that, without thinking, he’d taken the keys for the S8. Hannah was everywhere. But it wouldn’t matter which car he took, she would be on his mind, an unrelenting spectre.
He started up the car and Matt drove to the only person he wanted to see now.
* * *
Tyres crunched on gravel as he brought the car to a stop and as soon as he shut the door he saw Sarah walk outside, her hair messily tied on the crown of her head, in jeans and a tank-top. Her feet were in flip-flops. She must have been working in her studio.
‘Bear? I saw you on the security camera.’
‘Shrimp,’ was all he could say before engulfing her in a hug.
‘Come on, let’s go have some cake, and if you want to talk we can do that.’ There were no questions. No comments about how busy she was or about work. Matt loved his sister so much and, in that moment, didn’t know what he had ever done to deserve her. He was just grateful.
A short time later they sat at the round table in Sarah’s spacious kitchen, a mug of steaming black coffee in front of Matt and Sarah was cutting into a cake that looked far too good to eat and placing it on two plates.
Only then did he realise how hungry he was. So much had happened this morning, the day felt ten years long.
Sarah handed him a plate and fork but, despite how good the cake looked, Matt couldn’t bring himself to eat. He didn’t want a confection; he wanted his family. He stabbed at the cake with his fork until his sister reached across the table and squeezed his hand.
‘She left,’ he heard himself saying. Sarah didn’t reply; Matt took that as an invitation to go on, so he told her everything, from the moment they’d met in Melbourne to Hannah walking out now. Of course, he had told her about it before, but this time Matt filled in every little omitted detail. When he was done, Sarah moved their plates aside and held both his hands.
‘She’s right. You have locked yourself away. You did when you were ten years old. It seems to me like you opened up to her in Melbourne but now you’ve shut her out. Let me ask you this—all those women you dated before, you had no problem with them then, why does it all bother you so much now?’
‘I’m just tired of it. None of them know me. It’s all so superficial,’ Matt answered, avoiding his sister’s eyes.
