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She had the decency to feign embarrassment. “Never anymore. I feel like I haven’t seen you for days. Not since that policeman told us—” She cut herself off, bottom lip trembling.

“Lita…” I said her name with resigned tiredness. I didn’t have any fight in me tonight. I just wanted to sleep and forget. “I’m tired. I’m going to bed.”

I turned to leave.

“Like mother like daughter I suppose,” she said.

I froze, frowning in confusion. My mother already had me and Celia by the time she was my age. I was working two jobs and didn’t have time to date. How were we the same? I pushed away the image of Alexei that came to mind away. I didn’t want to think about him.

I turned to my grandma. “What do you mean by that?”

“I mean you’re erratic. You’re moody and secretive, and you’re making the wrong decisions!”

“Oh?I’mmaking the wrong decisions? About what exactly, Grandma? You don’t know my life.”

“Don’t I? You are ruining yourself like Celia did.”

That was too much for me and I growled, “I’m sorry. Here I thought I was a grown woman. I didn’t realize there was only one approved way to live in this house. Maybe I should move out.”

“Maybe you should, if you’re going down that road. I’ve already lost a daughteranda granddaughter. I won’t stand by and lose you too.”

I could only stare at her. I could see her pain but was angry because she’d already given up on Celia. “This is my life. I will do what I like with it.”

I stormed out of the room and slammed my bedroom door a little too hard. I regretted it immediately. I didn’t like fighting with my grandma. I didn’t like fighting, period. Crossing over to the bathroom, I stripped off my clothes and got in the tiny shower. I let the water pound on me while I cried for many reasons.

For the story I’d heard about Celia’s time at Pandemonium. For Alexei dismissing me so callously after I blew him. For the fight with my Lita. It all came pouring out in tears, and snot, and stinging eyes.

Afterwards at least, I felt a little better as I lay curled on my bed. I set the alarm for five a.m. before settling in to sleep. My mind would not quiet down, however. It kept replaying the blowjob, Alexei’s cock in my mouth, how it felt, iron hard, and silky smooth, the steady insistent thrusts that choked me.

I’m not normally into breath play, but just thinking about it had me dripping wet. He was so big and hard, and he clearly wanted me so much—before he discarded me like a used tissue.

My hand crept down to my crotch, cupping it gently. I gave a shuddering sigh as I pressed in with my finger, my entrance already open and ready, waiting for a fat cock to fill it. Just one, though. I spread my legs wide, turning to lie flat on my back and rubbed insistently at my clit, hoping to relieve the pressure.

With a sound of surrender, I stretched my hand out, reaching for my bedside drawer, and extracted my vibrator. Setting it on high, I pushed it into me, closing my eyes and imagining that it was him. I could almost feel his warm breath fanning my face as his dick split me, while his thumb rubbed at my clit with steady pressure. It was all I could do not to cry out, begging him for more, for deeper.

“Fuck me, please,” I whispered. My face contorted with the agony of pleasure as my sex toy acted as a poor substitute for the real thing.

It got me there, though. I could feel my orgasm explode through me like a fireball, picturing Alexei pouring his seed indiscriminately into me, causing my flesh to contract and relax around the vibrator, pumping it for every last drop it did not contain.

I lay back on the bed with a sigh of repletion, pulling out the vibrator and dropping it on the bed next to me. I panted a bit as I came down from the high, feeling even more miserable than before. I stared up at the roof, calling myself every name I could think of.

What kind of sick person got off to the man that might have killed their sister, or at least done something terrible to her? Me, that’s who. I was the sicko who did this. I curled myself up into a small ball, tears rolling from my eyes.

What am I doing?

I didn’t really have a clue.

CHAPTERSIXTEEN

ALEXEI

The club was throbbing for how loud the House music was, reverberating through the building. Some early birds were on the dance floor already, dancing quite drunkenly, even though it was barely eight p.m. I could see some of my girls out there as well, doing their thing. I nodded to myself with satisfaction.

It’d been a busy day. Jimmy Two Fingers got shot, and there was talk of a coup in his crew. It made everybody nervous, including me. In this business, you gotta have eyes in the back of your head if you wanna survive.

So, I was glad to be in my club, surrounded only by people I knew well, whose loyalty was clear to me. I could see Kirill at the bar, conferring with the bartender as he pointed a few extremely drunk people out in the crowd. Probably warning him that it was time to start watering down their drinks. We didn’t believe in kicking people out. Especially those who were ready to leave a month’s salary on our table. But we did slow them down involuntarily if they wanted to drink themselves into a coma.

He was gesticulating quite a lot and I looked in the direction he was pointing, wanting to assess the level of drunkenness for myself. I was surprised to see my sister threading her way through the crowds, wearing a very short, green sequined dress, and followed by two other girls.

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