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I try not answering, which usually works, but Colt folds his hands on the desk and stares at me like he’s holding the answer to the apartment timeline as ransom. Like this conversation needs to be a quid pro quo.
“We’ve been together a couple times.” It’s a massive understatement. But so is calling it hooking up. I’d never call what we did hooking up. Hooking up isn’t in the same league as what happened between us.
“Why don’t you just stay put and see how things go? You two seem to get along great…”
“I’m not staying in the apartment.” I raise my voice, and it’s as ominous as thunder.
And now… now Colt knows this meeting is about more than the apartment because I rarely raise my voice. Even when I’m pissed I don’t use volume to get my point across.Shit.Molly has me crawling outside my skin. She’s got me totally out of control.
“Dash…” he looks to be considering his words, “… it’s not like I’m keeping tabs on your love life or anything, but I can’t help but notice she’s the first person you’ve taken to, well, maybe ever.”
Now is not the time for Colt to bring up my feelings for Molly. He’s resurrecting things I’m trying to shove down. I’m not the man for Molly, and now we have a chance for an amiable, logical cut to the tie that binds. And boy, am I bound. I feel it like a string around my lungs.
“You’re different around her,” Colt continues. “She brings out a side of you I’ve never even seen, and I’ve been around you all but four years of your thirty. Why not just give it a go?”
“We don’t need to live together to give things a go.” It’s lying by omission because today is the day we stop doing that.
I wanted togive it a go. I’ve grown to like making breakfast for two and her sunrise smile in the morning. I actually like not getting up at three a.m. and feeling more alive in the daylight where she says I belong. She made me feel like being together was the right thing. But it isn’t. I needed this slap in the face to remember that.
She didn’t do anything wrong. I get why she found it hard to tell me about her sister. It’s the same reason I find it hard to walk away even though she deserves a better man. The end fucking hurts. It’s time. Time for us to stop. Molly’s sister coming to Starlight Canyon is the perfect, easy out for both of us.
But it’s like a wrench trying to turn a rusty bolt inside my chest.
I just need the timeline and to get the hell out of here. I placate Colt. “There’s nothing going on that you need to worry about. Just… her sister is done with college soon and she’s moving to the Canyon. She needs a place to live. Bird’s Eye is too crowded for my liking.”
“Oh…” Colt’s shoulders relax, and the worry for me falls to the floor. “I think it needs another week or maybe two. I told them to have it sorted before Christmas.”
After lunch, I couldn’t bring myself to ask exactly when Lily is moving in, but remembering my siblings coming back from college, it was usually early December their semester ended. That’s in two, three weeks. Well, before Christmas.
In any case, it isn’t tomorrow.
I get up. “Thanks. Have a good time at theBarbiemovie.” I wish it came out as a prod, but nothing is funny right now. Not even my brother dolled up in pink.
* * *
Molten lava has been simmering in my chest all day, and when I get back to the apartment, seeing Molly only dials up the temperature. She’s standing in the kitchen right where I last had her. Right where she had my heart cracked wide open for her that very first night while playing three questions.
She’s stirring something in a pan on the stove and twists around to greet me. “Hey! I’m making us some stir-fry.”
As usual, her positivity is undeterred, which makes me think two things. Either I’m not as important to her as she is to me. Or, she doesn’t realize we need to go back to the original meaning of friends.
“I’ve already eaten,” I say. I haven’t. But I don’t want to go in that kitchen right now. Not when all I can think about is how beautiful she looked bent over naked and how the insides of her feel like home.
But I don’t want to hurt her, even though I am, so I mutter, “Thanks, though. It’ll be good for leftovers.” I toe off my boots and start heading to my room, but she stops me.
“Dash.” She blows a tendril of hair off her forehead and puts a hand on her hip. “We need to talk. I know you’re probably upset about Lily, and honestly? I’m actually a little upset about you not saying you were moving out. So… let’s do this.” She turns off the gas on the stove and leans against the counter.
Shit, man, between her and Colt, this is just about all thelet’s talkI can deal with for one day. And something about her posture, all relaxed against the counter; meanwhile, I’m cascading into darkness inside, trying to scoop back up the part of me that was falling for her, and it kind of pisses me off.
This is easier for her than it is for me. That much is evident.
I take a couple of steps toward the kitchen but don’t want to be too near her. I might lose my nerve. This is over. It has to be. Right here and now. “You had plenty of chances to tell me about your sister coming.” And then I do it. I transform into an asshole so she can be mad at me instead of sad about me. “I thought we were being honest with each other. Guess I was wrong.”
“You weren’t wrong…”
A strangled laugh erupts from my lips.
“Dash. Seriously. I… should have told you, but the only reason I didn’t was because I didn’t want you to move out. I like living with you.”
