Page 34 of Lust


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He smiles faintly. “You’ll tell them it’s going great, that you’re doing an excellent job.”

I let out a groan. “They’re going to ask me what I’ve learned about the Bible.”

He reaches out and sets his hand on my shoulder, sending tingles up my neck. “You don’t need to say anything to appease them. Wasn’t that what yesterday was about? You accept yourself as you are, even if they don’t.”

Warmth spreads slowly from my chest out to my limbs, making my whole body lighter. How does he do it? How does he provide comfort while also pushing me to be braver? With anyone else, I’d probably get defensive. Or consider his gentle encouragement condescending.

Brandon seems to see right through me, straight into my heart.

I’m not sure if I like it.

“I’m going to try to get to know Sofia better,” he says.

His words hit me like a shockwave. How could I forget about Sofia? I can’t start catching feelings for him when he’s technically dating my sister.

I force what I hope looks like a light smile. “You weren’t doing that already—you know—by courting her?”

His expression grows grave. “I’ve been thinking about what you said this morning. About not being into her… It isn’t right that she thinks that. She’s a wonderful woman. She deserves someone who’ll give it his all. Give things a real chance.”

My throat grows tight. “So you’re going to actually talk to someone besides my dad at this family dinner?”

His lips quirk. “Watch it, young lady. I’m still your boss. I won’t give your family a good report tomorrow if you keep sassing me.”

I snort. Thankfully, my thoughts are too twisted for me to be turned on by his playful sternness. “Maybe you should tell them you baptized me as an atheist. That way I won’t be the only outcast.”

His smile vanishes. “Oh, Mariana.” His voice grows hushed. “You’ll never be an outcast. Even if you disappoint your family, you’ll always have people who love you.” He clears his throat. “Including me.”

Mist rises to my eyes as a lulling warmth fills my body. I know what he means by “love.” It’s a Godly love. Maybe even a fatherly love. But it doesn’t make it any less devastating as he stares at me with eyes as deep and dark as a cavern.

I can’t let it get to my head when the best pastors are good at this. Good at providing quiet comfort that makes you feel like you’ve been roaming the earth alone until you found them. It’s where the belief in deities comes from. It’s why cult leaders can charm people to their death.

It won’t happen to me.

I won’t fall for him.

ChapterEleven

Mariana

Three hours. I just have to get through the next three hours.

I adjust the tablecloth, trying to ignore the weight in my chest as Brandon settles into his seat beside Sofia. He leans in to say something to her, their heads close together, and my throat squeezes.

What the fuck is wrong with me? It’s good that he’s actually trying to pursue her now. He might be able to help her heart finally heal. No one on earth would choose Finn over Brandon.

His eyes meet mine for a moment, and his gaze is so dark and intense that I have to look away, my heart pounding in my ears.

Make it two hours. I’ll leave right after dessert. I’ll say I have a headache and ask my brother and Nora to take Sofia home later.

“Mari, can you come in here?” my mom calls from the kitchen.

Just as I start to turn around, Brandon’s eyes flash, and I quicken my step. I can’t keep looking at him all night long.

Oh God, what if this really becomes something with Sofia, and they get married someday? At all these family dinners, Brandon will be sitting right next to her like he is right now. I’ll catch him brushing his hand along her thigh and stealing kisses in the hallway when he thinks no one is watching.

As I walk into the kitchen, the smell of Mom’s garlic shrimp fills my nose. At least I’ll have good food to get me through the evening.

My mom points to the kitchen island. “Can you finish up the salad?”

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