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“Damn, Noah! I’m so sorry.”
Totally inadequate, as far as responses went, but what the hell else was he to say? Whatcouldhe say that would make the utter desolation Noah must be feeling any less agonizing or the loss any less devastating?
“It’s fine.”
Jax watched as Noah arranged his features into the caricature of a smile and his heart broke. It was clearlynotfine, but he wouldn’t call him on the lie. Even though he could no longer offer emotional support, at least he could pretend he believed it.
“What will you do now?”
Noah shrugged. “Dunno. I’ve advertised to give private lessons, and for now that’s as much as I can face. Long term, though, I haveno idea.”
What could Jax say to ease the hurt he could feel seeping through Noah’s tightly-held control?
“What are the others saying? Do they have any suggestionsfor you?”
“We decided to table that discussion until after the concert tours we had scheduled. They were delayed while the guys found a substitute whom they wanted to work with, and now they’re full steam ahead for the tour. When they come back, after Christmas, we’re supposed to meet to talk about ways that I can continue with the organization.”
He shook himself, almost like a dog shaking off water, then finally met Jax’s gaze, a rueful smile playing around his lips. Jax stifled the urge to get close enough to wrap his arms around him and kiss that smile wider.
“Well, it’s good to know they have your back,” he said instead. “In the meantime, you know practice is key, even when you’re not performing. And keep up the exercises your therapist recommends.” It was easier to slide into instructor mode than allow inappropriate thoughts any room inhis head.
“Aye, aye, Captain!” Noah’s tone turned sardonic, and the sassy salute he sent Jax’s way was full of piss and vinegar. “What about you?”
What about him? “I’m headed up to start a new job at the Riverdale Conservatory.”
“Still teaching performance?”
“Yes.”
Noah eyed him curiously. “Why did you leavethe city?”
Should he be completely honest, or should he fudge the truth? How would Noah react if he told him that aside from being tired of the academic rat race, he was, in fact, avoiding a potentially explosive relationship issue? How would he even explain it without reminding Noah oftheirhistory? He didn’t want to do that, but he also suddenly needed to be transparent. Noah had opened up, so he should, too.
“I needed a change of pace, and I needed to avoid a potential problem with another faculty member.” There … that wasnot a lie.
“Problem?”
Was it Jax’s imagination or did Noah’s expression become darker? What was he thinking? The reaction might just be more curiosity, but it might also be more. The thought that Noah might be feeling protective of him warmed Jax’s insides, but he couldn’t let himself hope. It was too soon, and they hadn’t really said anything to make hope a viable option.
“He wanted a relationship, andI didn’t.”
Noah’s face fell before he schooled his features to reflect aloofness.Shit! You could have said that better!
“I mean, we weren’tina relationship, but he kept pushing for one. And after a while, he began to become aggressive.”
“Why didn’t you just report him to the university?”
“I wasn’t up for all that that would entail. I didn’t want the kind of attention it would inevitably bring. Distinguished professors don’t make waves unless they’re the sort that will bring accolades, not notoriety, to the institution.”
Noah shook his head. “I can’t believe that kind of thing happens between professors. I mean, you hear of it happening between professors and students, but…”
His shock would have been comical if it weren’t for the fact that the rest of the world made the same kind of assumptions about harassment in the workplace. Very few people thought men were ever the victims, and Jax hadn’t wanted to have to keep explaining his decision or defending his actions. And he sure as hell hadn’t wanted to get into it with people who wouldn’t have taken his accusationseriously.
“I’m sorry that happened to you. I’m happy to say it never happened to me.”
Noah’s eyes went wide almost as soon as he stopped speaking. Was he extending an olive branch to Jax? Were they about to initiate a truce? He was more relieved than he could say that even after all these years, Noah hadn’t talked himself into believing that Jax had taken advantage of him. The fear of that had lessened over time, so he hadn’t realized that he still carried residual traces of it until Noah’s declaration. He fumbled for what to say to encompass the breadth of the emotions he was feeling.
He settled for, “It wasn’t fun, so I’m glad you were spared that. I absolutely hated it, so I can’t imagine how a younger person must feel. The balance of power in that case is untenable.”
