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Noah reached down for a pebble that sat in front of the toe of his left sneaker. It had an opalescent hue and he twirled it around between his thumb and index finger for a long time as if trying to decide what to dowith it.
“It’s hard even when there’s no harassment.”
The comment was a shot to Jax’s heart. Heknewthat, God, but he knew that! He’d had no illusions about the effect his actions had had on Noah, but even now, he knew it’d been the right thing to do for both of them. And although the pain of pushing away the man he had fallen for still echoed in his bones, he knew that he had come out stronger, and based on Noah’s career,so had he.
“I’m sorry, Noah.” The apology slipped out unbidden, unplanned, uncensored. “If I could have found another way to protect you, to protect us both, I would have chosen it. You have to know that.”
He’d never had the opportunity to truly apologize for breaking the younger man’s heart until now, and he wouldn’t be sorry that he’d taken the chance, even if it hadn’t been his intention. Noah needed even this much of the truth from him, no matter what happened next between them.
“I know.”
Noah swallowed, and Jax watched his Adam’s apple slide up and then back down in the elegant column of his throat. He’d always loved to nip him in that spot where it stuck out like a light switch waiting to be flipped. The memory of Noah’s reaction when he did, hit him hard and he looked away. He had to get control over his thoughts and feelings before he made an ass of himself over a few words that probably meant nothing.
“Maybe we can move on now? I never expected to ever see you again, so I have to think that this means we’re not meant to hate each other.”
Hate? Noah had hated him?Shit!The thought shattered what was left of his control but before he could speak, Noah added, “I didn’t want to miss you either, but I did, so this is good for thatas well.”
He had been speaking without looking at Jax, his eyes fixed on some point out in the bay. He turned finally and locked his gaze with Jax’s. “So, pax?” He extended a hand and Jax braced himself forhis touch.
He managed to withhold his shudder when their hands connected. “Pax.”
Chapter 6
Noah
I just wanted a break.
“That was fun, Uncle Jax!”
One of the twins, Noah thought it might be Jude, raced over to where he and Jax still sat waiting for them. Jax grinned at the boy as he began an excited account of their time on the boat. Noah breathed slowly, deeply, watching the interaction between man and boy and letting his mind wander. Did Jax want kids? Why hadn’t he found someone? Had that guy at his last college been the only one to try for something with him? Noah couldn’t credit it … Jax was too damned handsome and charismatic, not to mention talented and in demand, to want for a companion. Did he stay single by choice, or was he just picky?
Would he have looked at you twice if he’d been picky?The thought was unwelcome. He wasn’t without confidence, but Jax’s rejection had done a number on him and now he second-guessed himself about every date, every emotion, every desire. He wanted to blame it all on Jax, but he was also grown enough to know that that would be a lie he told himself so he could feel better. They had both grown older and, in his case, he hoped he’d grown wiser. Maybe this time, they could hold onto friendship.
“Well, I’d better get these boys home.” Jim’s hearty voice broke into his musings. “Annie just texted that she’s ready for her dinner.” He smiled at Noah. “It was really great to meet you, Noah. Don’t be a stranger. Let Jax know when you can come by for dinner.”
Noah nodded, not quite ready to admit that he had no way of contacting Jax. He could remedy that now though. But Jax beathim to it.
“My number hasn’t changed, if you stillhave it.”
A flush heated Noah’s cheeks. Why did he still, after a decade, remember Jax’s number? His burning anger and hurt had made it easy for him to delete it from his cellphone the very same day that Jax had broken up with him, but he hadn’t been able to delete it from his memory. It might as well be wired into his DNA.
“I remember it,” he confessed, his voice raspy.
He avoided looking at Jax as he got out his own phone and sent him amessage:
[Noah: Thisis Noah.]
Jax pulled his phone out of his pocket and looked down, then looked back at Noah and nodded.“Thanks.”
Even after Jim had herded his still-excited sons back to their car and he and Jax had said their goodbyes, it took almost half an hour for Noah to get back home. Klinger was overjoyed to see him and since he hadn’t been out all day, Noah took him for a walk. It gave him time to process his afternoon, to think about how it had felt to be where Jax was again, and to obsess over whether or not Jax would call him first. He didn’t know what he would say if he chose to break the silence, and part of him still felt the need to hold onto the hurt of their first parting.
The sun was starting its descent, but the sky was still bright with sunshine as he walked along the sandy shore of the lake. A cooling evening breeze blew off the water, and when Klinger bestirred himself to chase after a gull, Noah let him off the leash and watched as his dog played with the birds. Could he ever feel that light-hearted again? Meeting Jax after all these years had managed to upend all the control he’d kept in place once the shock of the breakup had worn off. How could he feel so undone after only a few hours together? And was Jax feeling thisway too?
Probably not, he reasoned as he found a piece of driftwood and threw it for Klinger to chase once the gulls flew off. Jax was eleven years older than he was, and a guy in his forties surely had better control of himself. Not that thirty-one was that much younger. Klinger brought the stick back and wagged his tail vigorously in invitation.
“Alright, buddy, go get it!”
Playing fetch with his dog was just what he needed to do to settle his mind. When they finally returned home, the dog was tired enough that he bypassed his bowl after only a few seconds to suck down some fresh water before flopping onto his bed.Down for the count!Noah chuckled as he regarded his pet, grateful for the beast and his ability to help keep Noah on an even keel. Maybeheshould take a nap as well. He was beat after a long day in the sun.
