Page 82 of Survive for Me


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“If we leave here, Memphis, there’s no guarantee that we could ever get back into the States if you needed help.”

Indy laughed that time. “If she needs you back here, we will get you back here.”

“What’s the next part for you then?” I asked.

Memphis glanced at Indy that time before she looked at me again. “We’ve been putting together this giant list of other Executioner/Judge teams. People who I think would probably be interested to know that their devastating life stories all have common roots that they maybe hadn’t realized before because they were too close, and it was too raw. I think we need to find them. Tell them. Dismantle the President’s entire organization from within so he doesn’t even have the ability to keep recruiting with these methods.”

“And you don’t think you’ll need me for that?” I asked. “You two are going to deliver this kind of news to who knows how many sets of dangerous people?”

Memphis looked at Indy again, and the way that she hesitated about ripped my soul open.

“We’ve got Utah,” Indy said and shrugged his shoulders. “We’ll eventually have others once they’re willing to see what we’re trying to show them.”

I ignored him completely once again just to watch Memphis.

“Besides,” he went on anyway. “A loose cannon with a grudge and a blackout anxiety response probably won’t really help our case when what we’ll need is calm and quiet control to survive dealing with the other hotheaded Executioners.”

CHAPTER SIXTY-THREE

trista

I most definitely felt like the monkey in the middle of the circus when everyone in that kitchen stopped talking, stopped breathing just because I walked into the room.

“You guys want me to leave again?” I asked.

Jersey smirked. “Come with me, Fancy Face”

Memphis got up to leave the room before I ever made it across the kitchen to Jersey, but he took my hand and continued to pull me toward the door anyway.

“Is she okay?” I asked.

“No. I’ll sort that out later though.”

He pulled me outside and looked around for a second before he picked a direction and just started to walk. He kept his hold on my hand. We probably made it a fucking quarter of a mile along the edge of one of his cornfields before I realized that we were just going on a walk together. It felt so absurd. So perfectly normal. And not at all like something Jersey would just do.

“How do you feel about beaches?” He asked.

“I don’t mean to shock you with this revelation, J, but I didn’t exactly have a lot of downtime to enjoy things like sightseeing over the last few years.”

“Just answer the question, Miss Difficult.”

“I guess as long as the sun was out and you weren’t planning on feeding me to a bunch of sharks, I could be a beach person.”

“Can’t make any promises.”

“About the sharks, or the sun?”

“Yep.”

“You’re an ass.”

He stopped walking to step in front of me and face me. “Memphis suggested that we just leave. Go somewhere else. Somewhere you can be free again. Safe. Somewhere I can try to let go.”

“Let go?” I asked.

“I can’t give up any of the memories of my old life. Not even to make you happy. So, if that’s what it’ll take, I guess you’d better be ready to spend the rest of your days being pissed at me. But I was more than willing to give up every thought I’d ever had about a future for myself if it meant keeping you alive to give you the chance to live out whatever dream you had for yourself. Even if that dream was just finding stability.”

I shook my head at him. “I don’t expect you to just forget about her, J. I really don’t. I don’t want you to forget her or even stop loving her. I just — I don’t know. I guess I need to know if there’s a place inside you where I fit just as me?”

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