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“I know you’re not her, Fancy Face,” he said and smiled. “I do. Every part of me knows it. And I don’t want you to try to be her. It’s not fair to either of you. You’re absolutely nothing like one another. The only slight similarity between the two of you is this fucking insane blind willingness to love a madman. She was gentle in every way. She was softhearted, soft spoken. Nothing in me ever wanted to hurt her in any way. And you,” he said and paused while I tried to breathe in all the oxygen in Indiana. “You’re this abrasive, noisy, vulgar, little siren.”
“I don’t even fucking know why I expected you to make any attempt to make me feel better about this,” I said and ripped my hand from his to start backing away. He chuckled and grabbed my wrist before I made it anywhere. He pulled me right against the front of his body and wrapped an arm around my shoulders to hold me there.
“She was what I wanted then. I absolutely loved her. But she’s gone, and so is the version of me who fell in love with her. I’ve been trying to live with only half of my heart since I lost them, and it’s been fucking awful. I’ll never just stop loving them. I’ll never just forget them. But you’re what I want now, baby. You’re what I need now. I don’t think there’s anyone else in this world who could survive my kind of love now. And I know there’s not anyone else in this world crazy enough to want it. To want me.”
“You do that a lot,” I practically fucking whispered because I couldn’t breathe. “Call me crazy.”
He smiled and I nearly had an aneurysm. “That’s because you are.”
“You want to just leave?” I asked, trying to figure out how to retreat out of the heavy fucking emotions that didn’t seem to be crushing anybody but me.
“Do you?”
“Where would we go?”
“If you like beaches, I’ll fucking buy you an island, Fancy Face. Rather have snow? You’ll get a mountain. Tell me what you want, you’ll have it.”
“Did you just offer to buy me an island?” I asked and giggled. “That’s the most Jersey thing I think you’ve ever said to me.”
He put his other arm around me to squeeze me in a hug. “You’re coming with me, then?”
“What about Memphis? The others?” I asked. “Are they allowed on this island of yours?”
He sighed and took me by the hand again to keep walking.
“I’m going to talk to Memphis again. She sounded pretty set on staying here to settle what we started with the President’s organization. But if I can talk her out of it, I will.”
“Just Memphis?” I asked and laughed again. It would’ve been physically impossible for him to roll his eyes any harder than he did.
“If their presence would help convince her to come with us, I’ll consider it.”
“And you’re going to be okay leaving while it’s unfinished?” I asked.
He sighed. “I don’t think they want my help for this. I’d be more of a liability to what they’re trying to do than I would be helpful.”
I squeezed his hand. He was able to look at it objectively. From an analytical standpoint, a crazy, out-of-control, trigger-happy, former Marine with anger issues and an ego the size of Alaska probably wasn’t the best choice to send in on the varsity team to break open a massive criminal organization. Being able to acknowledge that wouldn’t make it any easier on him when it came time to leave Memphis here though, if she was truly determined to stay behind and see it through.
“So, where is this island?” I asked. “And I feel like it’d be wise, in terms of my own survival, to point out now that you’re about to willingly trap yourself in the middle of an ocean with just me. You are choosing this. When you get tired of my mouth, I don’t want to hear about it.”
“We’ll find a better way to keep your mouth busy, Fancy Face.”
CHAPTER SIXTY-FOUR
jersey
She glared at me with the kind of fire that made me stop to consider whether she might actually bite my dick the next time I put it in her mouth just to remind me of that comment.
“Jersey,” she said and stopped again to make sure she had my full attention. “Is this really what you want? Asshole jokes aside. There’s a good chance that it’ll just be me and you. We haven’t exactly spent a ton of time alone just getting to know one another. And we both know I make you insane.”
I tried not to see through to the fear underneath her concern, but there was no way around it. She was afraid. Being alone with me around here was still safe enough because there were other people who could help her if she was loud enough. The thought of being truly alone with me scared her. And it wasn’t even remotely fair of me to try to convince her that she shouldn’t feel that way.
“I know you’re afraid of me right now. And I know why. You probably should be. Hell, you have every right to be.”
“I’m not afraid of you,” she said quickly, and then swallowed loud enough in her blatant lie that I could hear it. I couldn’t even help but laugh at it.
“You don’t have to lie to try to spare my feelings, baby. I know what I am. But if it makes you feel any better about it to know that we’re on equal footing, I’ve never been more afraid of anyone, of anything, than I am of you right now. And that’s saying something coming from me.”
“What?”
