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His eyes narrow. “You don’t think she’s moving too fast?” I don’t blame him for sounding skeptical. I thought Mom was joking, too, at first.
I drop down next to Jax and Cat, petting her little, fuzzy head. I named herCatthe day I found her huddling in an alleyway soaked to the bone and so small I’d mistaken her for a kitten. She loves Jax and she’s going to hate me for taking her away from him.
Settling back against the headboard with my shoulder touching his, I finally let myself relax after the long walk home from my dance class. “Honestly, I shouldn’t be surprised, you know how she gets.” Mom is notorious for her impulsivity, and it’s always been a quality I admired about her.
“Fuck… This feels different,” he says, running his palm over his face with a long sigh. “Did you even know she was seeing someone? What happened to the last guy? Peter or whatever the fuck his name was?”
I chew on my lip. Come to think of it, no. I had no idea Mom had a new boyfriend. With her, though, it’s always up in the air. She’s a beautiful woman and unfortunately for the men of this poor city, she knows it.
“Who the hell knows anymore. And his name was Shawn, but I think she got bored with him when he invited her to bingo night down at the rec center for the third time.” I smirk at the memory of her horror-struck face when she got that invite. That was the last time I heard about Shawn. Poor guy. Cat burrows her cold nose into my arm and whines. I pat her head lightly. “I know, baby girl, I’m sad, too.”
I’m lying. Why am I lying?
“I can’t believe you're bailing on the audition.” Jax frowns over at me, his eyes tracing over my face, sending my pulse racing. Sweat starts to bead on the back of my neck. “You’ve been training a whole year to get this slot.”
“There will always be more auditions. I’m leaving Monday, so it would just be a waste of time. You know Katelyn wanted that spot, too, why don’t you ask her to partner with you instead? She knows that routine almost better than I do. You’re already in, so all you have to do is put in a good word for her with Lana.”
Lana Brice, one of the city's most famous choreographers for contemporary dance, offered Jax a small part in her upcoming showcase to launch the opening of a new contemporary and street-dance academy. He had to choose a female partner, but the catch was that I still had to audition in front of Lana herself. Our friend Kate wanted the spot, too, but everyone knew Jax would ask me first. We’ve been dancing in the same company for over six years and even though he’s a shit-ton better than me, we’re still a team for the most part. He’s my practice partner, and the one who made me the dancer I am today.
His face sours at the prospect of asking Kate, but I already know he will. There’s no way Jax could drop out of the showcase and Kate is just as good of a dancer as I am. We both have roots in ballet and slowly transitioned to contemporary over the years, so she’s a shoe in.
He nudges his arm onto mine, his lips twisting in a broken semblance of a smile. “You could stay here, you know. You’re twenty-three now, Nora, you don’t have to follow her around anymore.” He gestures around my massive room. “You already know Mom and Dad won’t care, and I’m sure your mom’s new boy toy will keep her busy in California.”
I take a second and breathe in deeply, knowing that, technically, he’s right. I don’t have to follow her anymore, not really. I’ve finished college, and have moved on to professional dance, making pretty good money, and I could support myself on that easily. But not yet. For so many selfish reasons…not yet.
“I’m not ready. I thought we had a few more years before I’d have to think about it.” I lower my eyes guiltily. “Living in New York is expensive, and if Mom goes back to California, I have nowhere to go.”
Lying. Always lying. Going back to California sounds like a dream. Every dream I’ve ever had since the day I left and never looked back.
Jax crosses his arms over his chest again his muscles flexing under his tanned skin. I try not to stare, but it’s difficult when he insists on wearing muscle tanks around the house. He was probably at the gym before I got home, and all of a sudden, all I can picture are his arms flexing as he pulls his body upwards on the pull-up bar. My mouth dries up and I clear my throat awkwardly. These weird-ass thoughts are getting worse lately, and I feel like it’s written all over my face.
Lately, I've been looking at my best friend a little too closely, realizing just how much his body has matured into someone women drool over. Every day, there’s a new girl following him around trying to fuck him, and sometimes, he takes them up on it. I used to give him shit for his casual hookups, but lately, the thought of him going home with someone makes my stomach want to crawl up and out of my throat.
I can feel him looking down at me, but I try to avoid his eyes, because one thing I know about Jax Pembroke, is that he might just be the one person in the world who knows me better than I do. He sees me laid bare in ways that should make me run for the hills, and he never lets me forget it.
“It’sthem, isn’t it,” he says. It’s not a question. My mouth dries up and my hands ball into fists. Fingers touch the side of my chin, coaxing my eyes up towards his. His jaw flexes and his eyes dip for just a split second. “You’re going back for them…”
He already knows the answer, he just wants to hear me say it. I spent the last seven years regretting the way I left things back in California, when I left behind the people who meant the most to me without so much as a goodbye. Jax was there to witness the way it broke me, and the years it took to piece myself back together.
As much as Idolove the life we’ve made here in the big apple, my heart still lives in California. It walks along the sandy beaches in boardshorts and tanned skin. It smiles as the waves crash in the distance, and dances beneath the full moon by the light of a summer bonfire. Seven years without the boys I left behind. Seven years with my heart torn from my chest. Seven years of pretending I can live without them.
Jax watches me with a pucker between his thick, expressive brows and I can tell he’s worried about something he isn’t saying. But that's how Jax is, always worrying about everyone but himself and always worrying about me. Leaving him will probably be the hardest part of this whole catastrophe.
Even now, I feel sick with the thought of it. I’ve never tried to imagine a day without him somewhere nearby. All the times he’s slept in my room, holding me while I toss and turn with nightmares of what I’d done and who I hurt...all the hugs, laughs, and shenanigans. All of our dancing, our late nights in the city, and our midnight workouts. I’ll miss him and crave his comforting presence the second my plane takes flight on Monday morning.
I want to cry right now, but I keep it in. If I let the tears flow, Jax just might be able to convince me to stay, and I can’t have that. Now that the plan is in motion, my heart is already sprinting down that beach.
“Tell me you’ll visit?” I say in a voice so small it’s a whisper. He just stares back at me with a clenched jaw, his eyes filled with anger and hurt so deep I can feel it in my own chest. There’s a seriousness in his eyes that hasn’t been there in all the years I’ve known him. Some sort of veil is lifting and it’s as if he’s letting me see what hides beneath his easy smiles and carefree nature.
Turning onto his side, the new position brings his face much closer to mine. I know this is a bad idea the very second my heart rate skyrockets. My hands feel sweaty and my stomach flips and somersaults. I watch in morbid curiosity as his eyes briefly flit to my lips. I can’t help but lick them in response.
Dangerous move…
“If you’re leaving…” he says, his face suddenly closer to mine than only seconds before. My heart hammers painfully. “Then there’s something I have to do.”
We’re about to cross a line. Right now, at this moment, both of us have to make a choice. Maybe I’ve been lying to myself all these years. Maybe this has always been something more than friendship. But why now? Why tonight of all times and places? Is this fair? I’m leaving and he’s not coming with me. If we do this…
His soft lips brush mine for the first time, sending a thrill throughout my entire body. My lower stomach clenches and heats as his heavy hand glides up my exposed arm before drifting into my long hair and clenching the strands in his firm grip. Leaning in further, he brings his body flush with mine, dragging me toward him as we sink down the mattress.
