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I cry some more until after a while, my eyes start to dry up and a heaviness weighs down my muscles. I feel exhausted and a headache is starting to form. A soft pressure on my hand has my eyes snapping up. Landy blinks slowly, until dull, blue eyes are staring up at the ceiling.
“Landy?” I whisper and her head turns.
“Nora Blair, is you you, dear?” Her thin lips stretch into a small semblance of a smile. It makes my heart hurt to see her this way, and yet she always has a smile for anyone who needs it.
“It’s me, how are you feeling?” It's a stupid question but it’s the only thing that pops into my head.
She coughs and it sounds like her lungs are full of sand. “Been better, that's for sure,” she jokes, but it just makes my stomach clench. Even when she’s clearly suffering, Landy’s sense of humor will never fail her.
“You look—” I start, but her small, huffing laugh just cuts me off.
“I probably look like an alien right about now.” She pats her bald head then gives it a rub. “What do you think, is the bald look workin’ for me?”
I shake my head and grin. “If anyone can pull it off, it’d be you.”
She chuckles, eyes fluttering closed for a minute as she tries to catch a breath. “I hope I didn’t scare the girls too badly.” In typical Landy fashion, she’s always worrying about other people.
I squeeze her hand. “Don’t you worry about them, they’re just fine. In fact, they’re out in the waiting room right now probably wondering when I'll give them the good news.”
Landy sighs. “Good news...now there’s a concept.”
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean—”
“It’s fine, Nora girl. I know what ya meant. You take care of those girls out there. Tell them what they need to hear and such,” she instructs me before falling into a small coughing fit.
Reaching to the side table, I grab a glass of water and slowly bring it to her parched lips. She takes a sip, but places her head back on the bed while she struggles to swallow. Her lips are cracked and blue, and her cheeks look so sunken in that she appears skeletal. It seems like only days ago she had some life in her. It's crazy how rapidly cancer can eat away at you.
“When did it get this bad?” I ask dejectedly.
“That's the thing about cancer, sweetling. It creeps up on you at first, but when it hits, it hits hard and takes no prisoners.”
“It’s not fair…” I mutter, trying to choke back tears.
She pats my hand that clutches her bedsheets. “That's life, hun. Nothing’s fair in love.”
I smirk. “I don’t think that's how the saying goes.”
She scoffs. “And why the hell not?”
I shake my head, trying to hide my smile. It doesn’t seem right to giggle or smirk at a time like this. She’s fading before my eyes and I feel so much weight on my shoulders because of it. Landy has no family left. She never had any children or grandchildren. All she has is that studio and the teenagers that come and go. They’re her only real connection to the world, but they're not family. My heart aches for her.
“So, what happens now?” I ask quietly.
She flicks her watery eyes to mine and lets her gaze rove over my face. “What was always meant to, dear. I’ve made my peace with my fate and I’m not afraid anymore.”
My eyes are burning. I hate this. I fucking hate it.
“You’ll do this old biddy a solid before I do, won't cha? Is that how the kids are saying it these days?” Snorting, I wipe a tear from my eyes and nod. “You fix the rift between you and those boys, you hear me? I don’t want none of thishe said, she saidgoin’ on. Don’t go makin’ the mistakes I made, because you’ll wind up an old woman someday wishing she’d done things differently.” Her eyes are dead serious and I drink in every word of wisdom. “You grab life by its balls and you squeeze every ounce of happiness you can out of it.” My eyes widen but she just keeps going. “You do what you need to do to make things right. No more of this wishy-washiness you young ones love so much. Make your own happiness, Nora, because if you let it slip through your fingers, there’s no tellin’ if it will ever come back to you.”
I sit there for a moment and let her words sink in, but before I know it, she’s fallen asleep again. Taking my time, I watch her in silence, relishing in this moment and watching her chest rise and fall in a steady rhythm. It’s time for me to leave. Standing up, I lean over the railing of the hospital bed and place a soft kiss on her shiny, bald head, letting a single tear drip onto her pillow case.
“Thank you,” I whisper.
* * *
Landy passed that night.I got the call about three hours after returning home. The rest of the evening was spent sitting on the floor of my shower, sobbing into my knees as I let the warm water pour over me.
A week has gone by and I feel like everyone I know has been tiptoeing around me. Even Luca watches me with concern and worst of all...pity. I hate it. It leaves a sour taste in my mouth because I don’t need their pity. Every night this week, Jax has snuck into my bedroom and into my bed to hold me while I sleep fitfully. Luca must have some sort of clue, because I still catch him side-eyeing Jax every now and then.
