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“That control has spilled over into every aspect of my life, and that includes my sex life. I learned to separate sex from intimacy to protect myself from manipulation, and that’s given me an edge when it comes to how I can perform. But all that control shatters when I kiss someone.”
I gently stroked his cheek, playing with his stubble the way I knew he liked.
“For me, kissing is intimate,” he continued. “I can only enjoy it with someone I trust and am comfortable with, and those people have been few and far between.”
“You kissed me that first night. Before you let me suck you off.”
“I did. Partly because I didn’t want our first kiss to be a public affair and to happen while we were playing our parts, but also because I wanted to have that connection before anything physical happened between us. I didn’t want things to be impersonal with you. I didn’t understand why at the time, but my gut has never let me down. I’m glad I listened to it.”
“I’m glad you did too.” I gnawed at my lip.
“What?”
“Nothing. It’s my turn to listen and not take over the conversation.”
“If you have something to say, I want to hear it.”
“I just… Did you know I was acting that night in the car? I wanted to blow you,” I said quickly. “And I really wanted to kiss you, but I was being who I thought you wanted me to be. The person everyone wants me to be.”
“I knew. You played the part beautifully, but I could see that wasn’t who you are, or what you wanted.”
“I’ve only had one relationship.” I looked away, my eyes burning. “And we were sixteen and stupid. She got tired of me after about six months. But no one else has wanted me like that. I’m the guy they mess around with while they look for their forever person. The guy they take home for a night then ignore. The fun-time guy who’s only good for sex, and only if I do the work.”
“I’m sorry, Nicky. I guessed something like that had happened based on some of the things you’ve said, but I didn’t know it was that bad.”
“For a long time I thought there was something wrong with me. I thought I was broken and a freak. That no one would ever want all of me and I was only good for sex.”
“You’re not broken.” He kissed my lips. “You’re perfect, and I’m so grateful I’ve gotten a chance to know you. You deserve the world, Nicky.”
His cock finally softened enough it fell out of me. I frowned at the loss.
“How about we take a shower and I’ll put some of your ballsack serum on you? I need my cum clouds next time you fuck my face.”
Evan laughed, but his eyes told me he knew I was trying to change the subject.
I was too raw and vulnerable to hear him say all these nice things about me right now. It made me want things I couldn’t have.
It made me want all of him the way he had all of me.
“How about I give you a facial?” He pinned me with a look when I giggled. “Notthatkind of facial.”
“I mean, both is always an option.”
This time his laugh was genuine. “I may need a little extra time to recover after that last round.”
“Thirty really does hit like a ton of bricks, doesn’t it? Soon you’ll be eating dinner at four in the afternoon and yelling at kids to get off your lawn.”
“Brat.”
“Eeek!” I clung to him as he stood, bringing me with him. “How are you so strong?”
“Powerlifter, remember? And like I said, you’re not heavy.”
I laid my head on his shoulder and slung my legs around his waist as he carried me out of the gym.
“Tell me more about all the pampering I’m about to get.”
“Well, after your facial, I was thinking a nice steam would help you relax and prepare you for a full-body massage.”
