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“You forget, my human, he will be weaker without his goddess-given mate at his side,” my wolf snickers in my head, pulling me back to the present where I’m sitting in the middle of the clearing while soaking up the sun.
“I’m sorry that you have to endure being without your mate because of me.” I furiously wipe the tears from my face, refusing to shed another tear for that bastard Todd, or anyone else in this fucking pack. “He never gave you a chance and it’s all my fault.”
“No,” she insists, “it’s Todd’s fault. He is a weak male, and he was never deserving of our bond. He will find that he weakens more and more overtime, but we will get stronger. We will survive this because we are survivors. The memories you have shown me about your life in this pack,” she spits the word as if it’s vile, which, in this case, it is, “prove to me how strong you are. You have endured so much, my human, and I am proud to be your wolf.”
I allow humbled gratefulness to well up inside of me knowing my wolf can feel it. She’ll understand what it means and where it comes from. She has been the only friend I’ve had in so damn long. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to tell her just how much that means to me.
“Aww,” my wolf teases me, “I love you too, my human.”
I take a deep breath and take in the smell of the forest surrounding us. This is our home and yet we’ve felt so disconnected from it for so long. What does that mean? It makes my wolf just as uneasy as it makes me. It’s like trying to put on clothes that don’t fit—it’s just wrong and uncomfortable.
“It’s time,” my wolf prompts me softly.
“Time for what?”
I swear I can feel my wolf roll her eyes at my question. Sassy wolf. Not like I would have it any other way.
“Time to shift.”
I gasp as my mind starts to whirl at the possibility of shifting for the first time. I’ve heard about how painful it is, but I can’t imagine it’ll be worse than the pain we’ve already endured. The thought of running free, of having the wind in our fur as we run, has excitement welling up inside of me.
“We weren’t ready before,” my wolf informs me. “We’re ready now. We’re strong enough and the pain of the rejection has receded to the point that we can shift now. Are you ready?”
“Yes,” I exclaim out loud without realizing it at first while my wolf chuffs in my head.
I stand up quickly and take a deep breath to try and relax. I don’t need to anticipate the pain. I just want to look forward to the freedom. I also take a big sniff of the air, making sure that no one else is around to witness this.
Normally, when wolves have their first shift, their family is there to help and support them. I never imagined that would be the way it would go for me. The dream of having my family surrounding me and celebrating me died a long time ago.
I strip quickly, dropping my clothes in the middle of the clearing because no one is likely to come across them.
As I shake out my arms, I feel something come over me, an awareness, a readiness. My wolf surges forward in my mind and I allow my own psyche to relax. I don’t fight my wolf; I trust her implicitly.
Just like it should be.
I am lucky to have the wolf I do. She is the only support I want and need for this.
“I’m lucky to have you too,” she coos. “Relax. It will hurt, but you know that.”
I let my muscles go lax and before my next heartbeat it feels like my bones are being broken and twisted, the sound of shattering filling the empty clearing. I drop to my knees, the pain of the shift taking me down. My body twists in agony, the pain firing through every cell of my body.
I breathe through it, knowing the pain, this time, will be worth it. It feels like it lasts forever, but I know it doesn’t.
My eyes are squeezed shut, but I can feel everything. The way my fur erupts from my skin. The way my jaw elongates. The way my claws burst from my fingers.
It goes on and on, my wolf gently supporting me as I endure. I swallow down my wails of agony; it’ll be worth it in the end.
I’ll be on paws. I’ll be free.
My breathing is hard and labored, but I keep drawing oxygen into my lungs. Every breath is difficult, but I don’t stop. I let go, submitting to the will of the goddess in giving me the ability to shift.
I was weak. Too weak. Being rejected took something from me. Now, with the emergence of my wolf, I’m gaining more than I lost.
When the shift is done, the pain disappears. I peek my eyes open and take in the world around me. Everything is sharper. I can smell everything in the forest surrounding my little clearing. I can hear small animals scurrying in the underbrush. My eyesight is better as I take in a leaf drifting down from a tree on the farthest side of the clearing.
I look down at my paws to take in my white fur. I’m not surprised because my mom’s wolf has white fur. It almost makes me a little sad that I have her coloring. I guess it makes sense. Dad’s wolf is brown, and Samuel is the same as him. Maybe it’s a gender thing or maybe genetics are just strange.
“It doesn’t matter, my human. We are beautiful,” my wolf reassures me, pride filling her voice.
