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I feel like I'm having a stroke. This can't be happening!
“Mom, I can explain,” I rush to close the closet, but I have no idea why I bother because she's already seen him.
“Who's in your closet, Rebecca?” My mom whispers, conscious that Dad might overhear.
“It's me, Samael,” the boy emerges from among the clothes, looking embarrassed. “I'm sorry, Mrs. Godwill. I'll leave now,” he starts to climb out the window, but my mom puts a hand to her forehead and lets out a muffled gasp.
“Oh, my goodness! Please use the back door and make sure Jacob doesn't see you,” she urges, and Samael nods in agreement. He gives me a sheepish glance, then looks down at the floor as he exits.
“Mom, it's not what it looks like,” I cover my mouth with my hands, unable to stop trembling.
I feel like crying at the thought that he kept our secret hidden all this time, just as we were getting closer. I'm filled with both shame and resentment.
“Why is the neighbor boy in your bedroom, Rebecca Godwill?! I want the truth, now, or you'll be in big trouble!” Mom's gaze pierces through me.
“I'll tell you, even if I'll be in trouble anyway,” I sigh, and my mom gives me a stern look. “He got into a fight with his dad, and his dad kicked him out of the house. I sheltered him from the rain, and he stayed two more nights because he was afraid to go back home so soon. We've been friends forever. I couldn't just let him sleep on the streets.”
“Did he sleep in your bed?
“No, he slept next to it,” I point at the makeshift bed, though it's only partially true.
“For how long...?”
“It's the third night,” I lie, feeling guilty for deceiving my mom, even though I've done the same before, and I probably would have continued if she hadn't caught me.
“Rebecca, do you realize what would happen if your father finds out? What would people say if they found out that the preacher's daughter is sleeping with a boy your age? It would bring shame upon the Godwill name. Your father wouldn't be able to lift his head from the ground in shame, and you know how much the honor of this name means to him, the honor of his family, his only child.”
“The honor of this name?” I can't hold back, and voice my opinion. “I'm supposed to be a prisoner just because of my father's preacher reputation. I'm not, and I can't be a saint!” I shout at my mom unintentionally, and I find myself slapped across the face.
“Rebecca...” my mom whispers my name, realizing what she's done. “I'm sorry,” she tries to touch me, but I push her away.
“I'm the one who's sorry,” I turn my back and start arranging my notebooks in my backpack. “I'll change and go to school. I'm going to be late.”
I can feel my mom's gaze still burning on my back. I know there's something troubling her, but she doesn't know how to tell me.
“Did he touch you?” she asks with a hostile attitude, making me feel nauseous, as if last night's kiss was the greatest sin I could have committed.
Her tone and the way she says it turn my most beautiful memory into something terrible, something I feel ashamed of. Right now, I hate my mom, and I hate my dad!
“No,” I shake my head, feeling so embarrassed that I want to disappear.
“Fine,” my mom hands me the pills and refuses to leave until I swallow them, without water this time. “You haven't forgotten to take them before, right?”
“I haven't. I've always taken them,” I sit on the bed, and I can see the disappointment on her face.
“Good. I'll let you get ready for school,” she takes a few steps towards the door, and when she turns back, I can recognize that indecipherable look from before. “Rebecca, promise me you won't see those boys again.”
It's fear.
“Fine,” I force myself to say it, but my soul feels trapped and bleeding, crying out for help.
I feel terrible. This promise makes my life even harder, as I have to honor my commitment to Manasseh, or else he might reveal my secret. And it's impossible for me to stay away from his brother, especially after last night's kiss.
How could I not see Samael again when all I want is to feel his lips against mine again?
Emotions overwhelm me, thinking that Sami might put up new barriers between us after what happened. I don't want to be invisible to him again. I start crying so hard that I have to bury my face in the pillow to keep anyone from hearing me.
Why should I make my father happy when he's never given me attention and love?
