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I can’t.
It’s not a choice.
I have to be with you.
But you can’t find out.
So I decided if I stay in control of our sex, if I can control your hands and what you see when we do, you won’t find out.
And to be back inside you?
For ten years, I’ve been so lost without you. You’re where I belong, and it was worth the risk.
I knew it the first time I was inside you. There was a moment with you on top of me, with you looking down at me with so much love in your eyes that I came in seconds.
Yes, me being eighteen and desperate for years to fuck you had a lot to do with it. And you, with that body and face, any man would lose control.
But it was much more.
We were on your dad’s boat. We skipped school, and you had it all planned for us. You even waited for the best weather.
Damn, I was so nervous. I jerked off twice that morning before I met you at the boat because I worried I’d only last a hot second.
That didn’t work.
You set blankets out like a bed. It was a calm day on the water with no clouds, and it was still morning because we couldn’t wait anymore.
I did everything I could to get you ready. I love that. How I still know your body better than my own. But like last night, I worried our first time that I’d hurt you. That’s why you climbed on top and had control. And I got to watch the most amazing thing I’ve ever seen.
Us. Together. Finally.
I was barely inside you, and your tight heat and that look in your eyes hit me so fast, so hard and deep that I came knowing… I’m yours.
I’ve known it for so long.
That’s what I’ve been fighting all these years.
Because we belong together, Cade, and that’ll destroy us. Like we’re going to burn it all down and see if anything grows back.
I don’t trust it will. I fear the truth will hurt you so much that nothing’ll be left of us.
Do you remember what happened after our first time?
We did it four more times that day. Each time I got deeper inside you and lasted longer. Because that’s what my horny dick could do at eighteen.
Hell, it ain’t too different now that I’m back with you ten years later. I can’t believe how hard I get and how hard I get again minutes later.
You’re like my sexual fountain of youth.
But we didn’t know better. Your body couldn’t take five times. Yeah, it felt good to you at the time, but then you got an infection.
Real romantic, wasn’t it?
It scared me so much. That next day you stayed home from school legit that time because you were doubled over and crying on the sofa that it hurt every time you peed. I thought I tore something inside you. That I’d permanently hurt you. Then Mama G came home for lunch and found us there. It took her a second to know exactly what happened.
Remember what she said?
“If y’all are old enough for sex, you’re old enough for its consequences.” She wasn’t mad at me. “Go on down to the store and get her some cranberry juice. And quit treating her body like a pretty pin cushion you gotta stick every ten minutes.”
