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“No. That’s not it. I love you both, and I’m happy for you. I just feel… I don’t know… selfish. I want my love. And maybe I don’t want to share it with anyone else.”
“But what about us?” Redix looks hurt. Like he’s losing me. He’s more afraid of this than Cade.
“I don’t know who I’ll meet, but I know I will one day. I’ll find them. And what if they’re not okay with this? With us? I don’t know.”
Redix flinches. “So we’re over?”
“No.” I crane my neck for his kiss. He relents, giving me one back, but he worries. “We’re not over.” I hum against his lips. “I just want to tell y’all now… I’m not staying forever.”
“You need to be free,” Cade says, like she gets it completely.
“Yes, I want to be free to find a love like you two have. Y’all need to stop taking it for granted.”
It’s a long night while we talk it out more.
Cade understands. I see it in her eyes, though I know she’s worried because Redix is hurt.
He’s not even mad. He goes straight to painful silence until I start kissing him into a reaction. Until I touch his chest and start opening his mouth with all that my hands can make him feel.
“I feel like I’m losing you.” He grabs the back of my neck. “When I just found you.”
“You’re not losing me.” I grab him back. Cade’s pressed to my back and encouraging this. She doesn’t want him to hurt either. “You’re letting me go, but I promise I’ll keep coming back.”
“What will that look like?” Redix has been through so much. He doesn’t like uncertainty.
“What do you mean?” I smile. “You only want me for the sucks and fucks?”
That makes him laugh. “I mean, hell fucking yes, those are great.” I swear he stares into my soul. “Just don’t take your friendship away, too. You can’t be with someone that fucking insecure that we all can’t at least be close friends. Promise me that.”
“I promise.”
And I do, crawling on top of him, proving it with my body while Cade joins me, and we both please him until he’s sure.
Until I’m inside him while Cade has his hard cock in her mouth, and I’ve never seen Redix writhe so much. I’ve never heard him groan so deeply. It’s more than the pleasure we’re killing him with. It’s a promise he’s asking that we’ll stay connected somehow.
And we spend the rest of the night and the next day, the three of us in bed. Or in the shower. All over that suite with room service trays sliding in and out the door, we fuck and talk and fuck again and sleep until, I hope after two days, they know.
I’m always going to love them.
And yes, if I can, if we want, we can fuck, too, because it heals us all.
But I just wish they’d get it.
That they could see past all their hurt and pain. That they have a love so great anyone would want it.
And I know there’s someone out there waiting to find it with me, too.
CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT
I’m drenched.
I wake up sweating, my tank top soaked, and something’s wrong.
Tapping my phone, it’s one a.m. I’m alone in bed, trying to recover my body and heart from our two days in the hotel suite. It was so intense. All that we felt and fucked and tried to work through.
Some of it worked.
Silas and I will always be okay. I never felt possessive over him. I want him to be happy. And maybe it’s because I had more time with Silas, but Redix isn’t taking it well.
