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Never.
That was the answer.
Never.
Even the therapist Wayne Gratt recommended was pleasantly surprised that my desire for Aslan had never waned, even after what Ethan had done to me. My libido was well and truly healthy, even though I could’ve shut down all forms of intimacy.
We’d had a few sessions via Zoom, and she’d given me some visualization techniques for those sneaky moments that made me doubt myself. I hadn’t told Aslan, but sometimes, just sometimes, bussing home at night—if I’d stayed longer than normal at uni—brought back unresolved fear.
On later nights, Aslan offered to pick me up in the Cherokee, but I had mild panic attacks of him driving around Townsville without me. What if he was stopped again? What if they realised who he was, and I came home to an empty house and no idea where they’d taken him?
I’d rather take the bus, even in the dark.
Besides, nothing had ever happened on those bus rides, and my fellow students were nothing but nice. All of us shared a love of animals, the desire to make the oceans a better place, and the ethics to work hard to complete our life’s purpose.
It annoyed me that I couldn’t control those pesky day terrors that could pounce from nowhere for no reason. But thanks to my therapist, Maureen, and her expertise and kind ear, I’d learned it would take time for my psyche to fully let go.
A full year we’d lived here.
A year that had been one of the best of my life.
Aslan had fully embraced becoming a building manager. Griffen regularly stopped by with awe in his eyes at how neat and improved his complex was. Aslan had muscles that he’d never had before from hauling heavy timber and using a sledgehammer to break apart kitchens and bathrooms, and he’d even bought a cheap pair of reading glasses when we were last in town as he complained his eyes were getting tired looking at numbers late at night.
There hadn’t been a single moment of my life that I didn’t think Aslan wasn’t the hottest man alive. Yet when he’d put on those black-framed glasses?
Fuck me sideways, I was not responsible for the way I jumped him.
It was his fault the chair legs broke beneath him as I launched myself into his lap.
His fault that we crashed to the floor in a tangle of limbs and heat, and somehow ended up with him behind me, me on my hands and knees, and him riding me painfully hard amongst the rubble of the broken chair.
We hadn’t even closed the drapes. Anyone in the communal garden would’ve seen.
But I didn’t care.
And by the way he’d roared as he came inside me, he hadn’t cared either.
It was a nightly effort for me not to pounce on him whenever he put those glasses on. I knew he probably needed a proper check-up and visit an optometrist, but without ID or a Medicare number...I didn’t know if he’d be asked uncomfortable questions or if records of his test would be saved on systems that could ruin his secret life on our shores.
He’d never once seen a dentist. Never needed a doctor (thank God), and it was getting to the point where we stopped thinking about all the things he couldn’t do because we were lucky enough to find things he could.
He was a valued employee.
He’d made us a beautiful home.
He saved almost every penny, so we were financially comfortable even while I was a poor student. He paid all the bills by giving me his cash. I’d deposit it into our joint account that my dad set up for us. Internet, rent, and power came out automatically, and we usually did a large grocery shop each week on a Sunday.
I didn’t care I might one day be audited and asked where the lump sum payments came from. I’d rather get in trouble for tax evasion than have him deported back to Cem Kara.
Aslan sniffed the air, dipping his finger into the sauce simmering on the stove. Sampling the flavours, he sucked his finger clean. “Yum. Need any help?” Coming toward me, I shivered as he kissed me, placing his large, hot hand on my lower back, stinging me with the crackle of energy that always flowed between us, branding me through my floaty yellow sundress.
“Nah, I’m good. Go sit down and relax. My turn to cook.” I smiled, completely forgetting what I’d been talking about with Teddy and even forgetting how to freaking cook.
He gave me another kiss, sending my pulse quickening.
“Tesekkürler, Neri. Thank you for feeding me.”
The gruff gratefulness in his tone. The overwhelming love in his eyes.
