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“You truly are a surprising woman, Nerida,” Dylan muttered. “You willingly tell us about Aslan butchering Ethan—”
“Oh my God!” Margot exclaimed, cutting Dylan off. “That’s why you don’t care if we print what Aslan did to him. It’s because he’s not here to pay for the crime.” She flinched all over again. “Damn, that...that breaks my heart.”
Dylan scowled at her. “As I was saying, you willingly share something as dark as potential murder, yet in the same tale are happy to discuss the allure of suicide.”
“I am.”
“Why?”
“Because people need to understand that those thoughts are normal. That level of despair can come for you out of the blue. I drowned. I admit that. I was happy to never come up for air again, but...I was given a reason to keep trying. A reason that made me accept that the life I’d adored and the man I’d cherished were gone, but...it didn’t mean my life had to be over. I just had to be strong enough to accept the differences and make the choice.”
“That’s inspiring.” He bit his bottom lip. “And surprisingly...helpful.” He paused as if debating on whether to share. “I-I’m not new to grief myself. I lost my wife in childbirth with our second child ten years ago.” He looked away. “I had the same feeling as you. The same tug to end it all. But...I couldn’t do that to my son.”
“I’m so sorry about your wife, Dylan.”
“I appreciate that. Not a day goes by when I don’t miss her.”
I held his stare, sharing so much pain. So much pain that existed in the hearts of the lovers left behind. “Do you see why I wanted to be frank? Do you feel better, knowing you weren’t alone in that cesspit of despair?”
He sat in my question for a moment before nodding. “It does. It helps to know that the emotions I had toward my son were normal. Part of me hated him for preventing me from chasing after my wife. But most of me loved him because he kept me alive. I struggled for years with those two warring parts of me.”
“Exactly.” I grabbed his hand and squeezed again. “I felt the same loathing. A loathing that makes me sound like a monster when I admit I cursed my own daughter. The entire nine months I carried her, I tangled with love and hate. I loved her for safekeeping a piece of Aslan’s soul, but I hated her for keeping me in a world where he was gone. Those feelings only began to fade after she was born, and I did something rather idiotic.”
“What did you do?” he asked.
“Soon. I’m working toward that part. I’m nothing but a woman of mistakes.” I patted his knuckles and leaned back again. “Recounting my youth has the unfortunate side effect of revealing how much trouble I caused by not thinking. I let passions rule over common sense. I let pain guide me instead of logic. I do wish youth would come with wisdom instead of learning it the hard way.”
Dylan glanced at Margot before looking back toward me. “I’m assuming...and I’m asking this for my benefit as well as Margot’s, that your daughter is still alive and well?”
I nodded. “She is.”
His shoulders slouched. “That’s a relief. But also...rather perplexing.”
“How so?”
“Well, you’re extremely private about your personal life. I did some preliminary research on you before coming here today, and apart from a scant page on your company’s website, there’s no mention of your daughter.”
I smiled and plucked at the blanket across my legs. “I was willing to share my science with the world, not my soul.”
“Because you lost your soulmate?” Margot whispered.
I looked up with a small shake of my head. “Because it was no one’s business. My daughter deserved a normal life. She deserved to be wild like I had been, rebellious and reckless, to make mistakes and be stubbornly passionate. If the world had known about her and what happened to her father, she would’ve had eyes on her, which would’ve brought boundaries and judgements. She wouldn’t have learned to listen to her own intuitive nudges or become who she is today.”
“And who is she?” Margot asked quietly.
“She’s my shining star,” I whispered. “She’s involved with Lunamare. Alongside a large team overseen by Theodore and Edmund, of course.”
“Wait...so that actually happened? Teddy and Eddie are your business partners?” Dylan asked with a quirked eyebrow. “Honey’s brother and brother-in-law?”
“Business partners?” I shook my head. “No. They are so, so much more than just that.” I sighed and rubbed my temples, willing my headache to fade. “I met them through Honey, but none of us could guess how close we would become. How much I’d fall in love with both of them.”
My voice turned sad with the past. “Honey was the sister I never knew I needed. She’s another soulmate without a doubt. She still is, even though we’re old and grey. She and Billy have enjoyed the farm life they always dreamed of, and I’m godmother to their five children, but...without Teddy and Eddie, I don’t think I would’ve survived. Even with Ayla.”
“How so?” Margot murmured.
I straightened my spine, gathering courage to keep telling my tale. “Two weeks after Aslan was shot, my father travelled to Townsville to tell Griffen Yule what’d happened. Griffen’s unofficial renovator and book-keeper was dead, and I was far too broken to resume my studies—”
“Hang on.” Dylan held up his hand, his mind whip fast. “You’re telling me that you’ve worn the title of a marine biologist turned utopia mastermind for decades, and yet...you never graduated?”
