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She terrified me because she threatened me.
And the longer I remained in her company, I would have no choice but to change to withstand her. I’d be swept away by her hurricane, and by the time I stopped drowning, I wouldn’t have just lost my family...I’ll have lost myself.
I really should’ve taken that thought for the premonition it was.
I should’ve run from the Taylors’ kind hospitality that night.
But I didn’t.
I slipped back into bed, yanked the covers over my head, and condemned myself to everything that came next.
Chapter Twelve
*
Nerida
*
(Sea in French: Mer)
“I THINK IT’S TIME I TOLD YOU how the twelve-year-old version of myself saw Aslan Avci.” I glanced at the two reporters, already feeling younger than I had in years.
Slipping back into who I’d been was like slipping into the sea after the sun punished you on shore. It was soothing and calming and brought a welcoming sort of belonging that calmed my heart and soul.
“Did they ever find his relatives?” Dylan asked.
I shook my head. “No.”
“They literally vanished?”
“Unfortunately. Bodies tend to do that at sea.”
“You sound as if you have experience.” Dylan smirked.
I held his eyes. Remembering another body. Another disappearance. One that I was responsible for. “I have enough.” I twirled my ring, a nervous habit that’d begun on the worst day of my life.
I hadn’t stopped since.
Whenever something pushed my emotions into unease, I found myself twirling. Always twirling. As if trying to turn back the clock and erase what had happened or avoid what was next to come.
Sighing, I shoved aside the dark parts of our tale and focused on the light. The parts that warmed my heart to recount and reminisce. “When I first found Aslan, storm-battered and spat out by the sea, he was borderline malnourished. Once upon a time, he’d known the luxury of regular meals, but it had been a while. Far longer than a smuggler’s voyage. Far worse than losing his entire family. The reason they left Turkey took a toll far crueller than he admitted.”
I sighed and stared at the soft waves. “You have to understand, when Aslan looked at you, you could tell he carried a million secrets. You could see everything he would never say, swirling in his coal-black eyes. You could witness it in the way he moved, as if he expected the world to know who he truly was and to punish him for it.”
“Why did he think he’d be punished? Did he carry guilt for his family drowning?” Dylan asked, taking notes despite his reluctance documenting my unplanned autobiography.
“Oh, yes. To this day, he still carries that guilt. It will never go away. Neither will the inherent belief that he deserves to be sentenced for being responsible.”
“I don’t understand...” Margot murmured.
“You will...eventually.” I curled my hands on my lap. “For now, what I can tell you is...Aslan Avci was a walking contradiction.” I caught both their inquisitive stares, trying to explain. “He was tall for his age, yet seemed uncomfortable in his height. He was strong with his words and fierce in his actions, yet always seemed to swallow down the ferocity of his feelings. His lips knew how to smile, yet his eyes held a horror that never quite faded. His mind was bright and sharp, yet he hid his intelligence as if he feared it. The more I got to know him, the more I realised...he was hiding. Hiding from himself. Hiding a part of himself that he didn’t want, couldn’t accept, and for so many years, I had no idea what part that was.”
“When did you finally know?” Dylan asked.
“When he told me.”
“And were you right?” Margot tensed. “That he was hiding?”
