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It was going to take a whole lotta distraction to drive Butch from his thoughts.
He opened the door, and—
Fuck.
Butch stood by the window, gazing out at the street. He turned as Sol closed the door, and the first thing Sol noticed were his eyes.
The light he so loved to see there had died, and that had to be Sol’s fault.
Butch said nothing, and Sol figured it was up to him to start the conversation.
“How did you know where I was?” He frowned. “Stupid question. Forget I asked. It was Toby, right?” He walked over to where Butch stood. “Why are you here?”
Butch’s eyebrows shot up. “And you talk about stupid questions?” Sol opened his mouth to say something,anything, and Butch held his hand up. “Before you say another word, I know, okay? I heard the story from Toby—well, the bare details of it.”
Sol’s heart plummeted. “What story?” Except he already knew the answer.
Damn you, Toby.
Butch looked him in the eye. “Liam.” Then he fell silent, as if he was waiting for Sol’s explanation for being a complete bastard and running out on him like that without a word.
As if it were that easy. That was why Sol had walked away when he did.
Talking about Liamhurt.
When no words came, Butch gave a fraction of a nod as if in confirmation, and Sol’s heart hammered.
Say something. Anything.
He swallowed.“Look, would you mind if we sat and talked,just… not about that?”Before my legs start shaking.Seeing Butch again messed with his headandhis heart.
Butch went over to the two chairs in front of Sean’s desk and sat in one of them. Sol joined him, his hands clammy, his heartbeat racing. He had no clue what to say, but that didn’t matter—Butch got in first, his face tight.
“I’m so sorry. That was… just horrific. But what I don’t get is why I had to hear about it from Toby, after all the stuff I shared with you—and what it has to do with why you left. That last part, especially.”
Sol struggled to form his tumultuous thoughts into cohesive sentences.
“I had to go. I was getting in way too deep.”
Butch stared at him, his face flushed. “If you mean you were falling for me, then for fuck’s sake,sayso. Don’t dance around with words.”
“Okay!” he blurted. “I realized I was falling in love with you. And I was pretty sure you felt the same way.”
A sigh escaped Butch’s lips. “Yeah, I’m in love with you, and that’s something I’ve never felt before, or said to a living soul. Now tell me why two guys falling in love is such a bad idea that you turn tail and run. It’s not like it was when we were growing up. Even Montana has moved with the times. You can say you’re into guys and no one bats an eye, at least, not in public.”
Sol clasped his hands, his pulse quickening. “I started imagining a life with you, not just as your Dom but as your lover… That’s when I knew I had to pull the plug. Because I’vebeenthere, okay? It ended in disaster. It broke my fucking heart, and I willnotput myself through that again.”
Even as the words left him, he knew how pathetic they sounded.
Butch gaped at him. “Wait a sec. You hightailed it outta there because you were afraid you’d lose me like you lost Liam? Have you any idea how irrational that is?”
“Most fearsareirrational,” Sol countered.
“Yeah, but most fears are rooted in something else. You know whatIthink, Mr. Counselor? You need some counseling. And by the way, I got a news flash for ya.” His eyes blazed. “I’m not Liam. And the chances of those exact circumstances happening again are pretty fucking remote.” He paused to draw breath, his chest rising and falling. “You ever see that movie,The Princess Bride? Walt made us watch it one time. It was okay—all right, it was good, but I wasn’t gonna tell him that. Anyway, there was this one line that stuck in my head. Wesley says something about life being pain, and that anyone who says different is selling something. That fuckingnailedit.” He grabbed Sol’s hands and held them tight. “Lifeispain, and we can’t avoid it. Would I rather have gone through my life not being tortured by guilt? Hell yeah. But everything I went through, all the pain and emotion I suffered? That made me the man you see today.” He squeezed Sol’s hands tighter. “And that man wants you. Sol the Dom, Sol the lover… You talked about being a long-distance Dom, and you know what? I didn’t want that. I wanted to share your life—both parts of it. Because you can’t separate them. You said so yourself. They’re you.”
Sol’s breathing caught. “You don’t want to be my sub.”
Butch blinked. “Oh really? Then what the fuck did we spend last week talking about? Was that just shooting the breeze? Why don’t you come right out and ask me?”
