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“Why did you leave Illinois?” Alex asked. “Can I ask that? I’m sorry.”
“Of course, that’s the purpose of this exercise, yes? To go beyond the surface in search of meaning.” Julian gripped the marker and smiled. “I left my position, giving up my tenure, left Jennifer, after confronting my sexuality.” With another line on the map, he added “coming out.” “Accepting I was gay in my forties is a journey. One I’m still on.” He drew another line and wrote “identity” at its end.
Alex swallowed. “That’s a lot to handle.”
“I struggle with understanding, adapting to the gay world. More unfamiliar terrain. More undulating hills and sharp bends.” Chuckling, Julian tapped the bike helmet with his loafer. “How do you navigate it all?”
Alex blinked. “Why do you assume I’m gay?”
Julian’s mouth dropped open, and a dry gurgle came out. “I…. Apologies, Alex, I didn’t mean to presume—”
“I’m kidding. I’m kidding,” Alex released the laughter he was holding.
Julian’s expression shifted from pinched to a mouth curl that showed amusement.
“Sorry,” Alex said, suppressing his grin. “Seriously, though, don’t stress over memorizing some gay rulebook. Being gay doesn’t define my identity. It’s the least interesting thing about me, I think.” He traced the lines of the mind map. “We’re all trying to navigate our way through the tangled web. Seeking connections. Understanding.”
Julian exhaled and shrugged. “Navigating life isn’t as clear-cut as reading about it.”
“Have you had any boyfriends in the past?” Alex leaned forward, trying not to pry but genuinely wanting to understand Julian’s journey.
His cheeks reddened, but it was no longer the flush from the bike ride. “Some… connections, yes. But no lasting relationships.”
“Connections?” Alex repeated, using his fingers to create air quotes. “So, hookups then?” He laughed as the shade of Julian’s cheeks deepened to crimson. “Sounds like you’re adapting to the gay lifestyle with distinction, Professor.”
Julian’s laughter echoed Alex’s.
“Let’s return to you,” Julian said finally. “You mentioned you were traveling home for the break. Where’s home?”
It took Alex a moment to process the shift in conversation. “Tyler, Texas. It’s like stepping back in time.”
“You also mentioned something about sending out rèsumès. What are your dreams after graduation? Bolt out of here and achieve world domination with your computer skills? Unlike us English lit majors, I imagine the tech world is bustling with opportunities for you.”
Alex hesitated, a flicker of confusion crossing his face. He’d just received an exciting job offer, a milestone he’d been eagerly working toward. But as he opened his mouth to announce it, something held him back. A knot in his throat prevented the words from coming out. He refocused on the mind map, tracing a line, seeking both distraction and clarity.
A sudden knock on the study room’s glass door jolted both men from their introspection. One of Alex’s classmates, hair askew and clutching a jumble of papers, waved at them with an almost desperate smile.
Julian pushed back his chair and moved to the door to pull it open.
“Hi, Professor,” he said, his voice apologetic as he tugged at his hair. “Sorry to interrupt, but I saw you and had a quick question about next week’s reading.”
“Of course.” Julian’s demeanor switched effortlessly to professorial as he engaged with the student’s inquiry.
The interruption splashed cold water on their escalating intimacy. Using the distraction, Alex traced the rough texture of his laptop before snapping it shut. The decisive click echoed in the room, mirroring the clarity forming in his mind. As Julian continued with academic explanations, Alex packed his belongings with a resolute posture to match his newfound determination.
When the student departed, Julian swiveled back around. A hint of disappointment shadowed his features at the sight of the half-emptied table. “I may have gotten carried away with my disclosures. I suppose it’s late.”
“Too late for studying,” Alex said, handing the markers to Julian. “Not too late for a field trip.”
“A… field trip?” He accepted the markers and tossed them into his satchel.
Standing up, Alex adjusted the backpack on his shoulder. “Maybe it’s my turn to teachyoua thing or two. If you’re up for it?” He rested his hand on the cold metal door handle. “You in, Professor?”
Without waiting for a verbal response, Alex swung open the door. The sound of Julian hastily packing up, the crinkle of paper, and the soft thud of the helmet being grabbed, followed by hurried footsteps brought a self-assured grin to Alex’s face.
Chapter 4
Julianquickenedhispaceto catch up with Alex as they made their way off campus and across the street. The briskness of the late March evening nipped at his cheeks.
