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The thrill of the game, the promise of something new, the show of wealth and power.
Every week, I’d get on that auction block and watch as the people in the crowd spent thousands just for an hour with me. I’d be lying if I said that didn’t fuel my need for validation. I’m only human. Of course, I loved the attention.
But more than that, I loved getting to know someone new. I loved learning about their different desires and kinks. Then Ireallyloved fulfilling those, watching the way it would change them, like a secret code only I knew.
Afterward, I’d send them on their merry way to fulfill those needs with someone else, armed with a new piece of information about themselves that would make their lives more enjoyable and stimulating.
I miss that.
I haven’t been on the auction block in nearly a year. It was the night Daisy bid a million dollars on her now husband, and I watched my best friend find his forever person.
Clay was there that night. And while things between us were still so new, there was a moment that hit me when this sudden craving for love and my newfound infatuation with him collided like a hurricane.
Falling in love with him after that night was not an accident. Maybe it was fate. I don’t know.
I just know that for the first time in my life, I opened myself up to something new.
And now look at me. My life is in disarray. I’m being sucked into a relationship, and I can’t seem to find the argument anymore for why I should walk away. Something about the other night erased all sensible rationale from my brain.
“Why aren’t you up there?” a familiar deep voice says from behind me.
I turn to find Ronan smiling at me as he takes the seat on the barstool.
“I don’t do these anymore,” I reply. “You know that.”
He nods before waving at Geo, who acknowledges him as he starts making his usual drink.
“Yes, I do know that. I wish I knewwhy.”
“That’s confidential,” I reply with a smirk. “What are you doing here? And where’s Daisy?”
“She’s performing at the bar tonight, and I figured I might find you here, so I left a little early,” he says as his drink is presented on the bar in front of him.
“Well, it’s good to see you,” I say, holding up my glass. He clinks his to mine, and we both take a drink.
“It’s always good to see you,” he replies. “Jack is feeling better then?” He says this quietly so no one around us can hear. Once I decided to make the existence of my son a secret for good, he respected that. He may never understand what it’s like to live two different lives, but as a man, he never really had to make that choice.
Once people know I’m a mom, it threatens my image as a Dominatrix. I don’t make the rules. That’s just how it is. I think it’s just as unfair as everyone else does.
Not to mention, it’s Jack’s safety that motivates nearly every choice I make.
“He’s fine. It was just a twenty-four-hour thing.”
“Good,” he replies, dropping the subject. “And how areyou?”
My eyes cascade down to the drink on the table as I contemplate how to answer that question.
When I don’t answer for a moment, he doubles down on his interrogation. “You know…you don’t need to keep everything a secret, especially your happiness. It’s not going to combust the moment you share it with someone else.”
“How do you know?” I ask with a teasing glare in his direction. “Happiness is just a trick to make us make stupid decisions.”
He laughs. “And what stupid decision have you made lately?” He bumps my shoulder, and I suddenly feel so desperate to talk to him about it. Oranyone,really.
“I started seeinghimagain,” I say, knowing that Ronan will know exactly whohimis even if he doesn’t know the specifics. Everyone picked up on the change in my behavior last year. You don’t go from openly having sex in the voyeur hall with a different person nearly every night to exclusively seeingoneperson every night without people noticing.
“Ahh…him,” Ronan replies.
“And his girlfriend,” I add.
