Is that true? Was I not relaxed and happy before her?
“Whatever’s going on in your head, deal with it. I promise you, losing her is going to be worse.” A customer grabs his attention, and he gives me a nod before walking off.
His words make me think. Even just a few months ago, I wouldn’t have put this much thought into a relationship. Even the thought of me being in a relationship would have been laughable, but here I am. Not only am I in one, but one that makes me think of things like marriage and kids. One that has me driving her around a small town even though her van was fixed weeks ago.
I barely recognize myself. Going to festivals and dances. Going to Kelowna tonight for a reason other than looking for a hookup. Listening to romance novels.
Making my way to my truck, it dawns on me that I don’t know how I feel about all this.
I have strong feelings for Rachel. I can’t deny that. I feel things for her that I’ve never felt for anyone before.
But is it enough?
* * *
“Are you okay?” Rachel asks, breaking the silence filling my truck.
“Yup,” I answer, flicking on my blinker and changing lanes.
“Are you sure? You’ve barely said a word since you picked me up.”
I let out a heavy sigh. I’ve been so in my head I didn’t grasp how much I’ve been ignoring her. I ask her out, pick her up, and then promptly ignore her.
Great job, asshole.
“Did I…do something?” Her voice is shaky and I hate it.
“No,” I say, reaching across and taking her hand. “I’m sorry. No, it’s not you. I’m just—fuck—I don’t know. I’m having an off day.”
“Okay.” She gives me a small smile that doesn’t reach her eyes.
I feel like the world’s biggest ass. I have a beautiful woman with me and all I can think about are ways to fuck it up. She’s never asked anything from me that I wasn’t willing to give. She’s never questioned me or given me a reason to do anything other than enjoy what we have.
“Can I ask where we’re going?”
That makes me smile. “Do you really want to know?”
“Yes! I can’t take surprises!”
I let out a laugh, instantly cutting the tension that plagued us only moments ago.
“I got us tickets to a book reading and signing for Anita Johnson.”
Rachel gasps. “The author of ‘The Monster’s Human Prey?’”
“The one and only.” I smirk.
“How did you…? I didn’t even know she was coming.”
“I ran into Kylie earlier this week and she tipped me off.” I sneak a glance at her, taking in how happy she is.
How could I ever doubt this? Doubt us?
My heart riots at how stupid I’ve been tonight. Am I ready to walk down the aisle? No, but I’m ready for what we have, and that’s more than enough for right now.
I pull off the highway and onto the off ramp, stopping at a red light. Looking over at her, I can’t get over her beauty. My heart stills when the only word I can hear is love. I’m in love with Rachel Bennett.
“Why are you looking at me like that?” she asks with her eyebrow raised.