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Sienna didn’t even know what to say.
“I had no idea you lived above the bakery,” Natalie said with a bit of a smile, probably trying to lighten the mood. “No wonder I kept bumping into you there.”
“Yeah. That and the amazing coffee.” She bit her lip. “I’m sorry you had to see that,” she said softly, knowing she had to at least acknowledge what had happened. “He’s normally much more polite than that.”
“Have you known each other long?” Natalie asked, following her into the kitchen.
“Since we were fourteen. He was my best friend in high school.” Sienna opened the fridge. “Do you want another beer?”
“Sure.” Natalie leaned back against the counter, her arms crossed over her chest as Sienna handed her a beer. “Thanks.” She took a sip before speaking again. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah.” Sienna took out a beer for herself and twisted it open. “That’s a long time coming really. I just would have preferred it not to happen in front of a bar, standing on the street. In front of you,” she added quietly.
Natalie tilted her head slightly. “You said to Caleb that you don’t care what people say about you, so why are you worried about what I’ll think?”
“I don’t know.” Sienna took a long drink. She did know why she cared about what Natalie thought of her.
It had hit her so hard on stage, when she’d sang her last song, when she’d practically sang it to Natalie. Sienna had more than a crush on this woman.
Yes, Sienna had been a huge fan of her music, of her songwriting skills, but she was pretty sure that not a day had gone by in the last month where Natalie hadn’t popped into her head at least once.
It had started off innocently enough, hoping that Natalie might text her or that Sienna might bump into her someday in town. Then Sienna was wondering what Natalie would think about a particular lyric or the melody she’d chosen for the chorus of a song she was working on.
But tonight?
Something had changed. Sienna had to remind herself more than once tonight that they were just friends having drinks. That tonight wasn’t a date, because it sure as hell felt like one.
“Is there any truth to what he said?” Natalie asked, taking her away from her thoughts.
Sienna choked out a laugh. “Well, my parents would be happy.” She exhaled when she met Natalie’s serious face. “But that’s not what you’re asking, is it?”
“No,” Natalie said, barely above a whisper.
“Why don’t we sit down?” Sienna suggested, leading them into the small living area, with just a loveseat across from a TV with a glass coffee table in between them.
She’d been living here for the last three years, but she’d yet to make any changes, happy with the basic off-white paint and gray suede couch, a black and gray geometric rug beneath the coffee table. All she’d added were three potted plants, the greenery brightening up the space.
Sienna slid her phone out of her pocket as Natalie sat down, putting on a soft, acoustic covers playlist in the background, already feeling the weight of the silence between them, that maybe Natalie was starting to see that they had more in common than she might have thought and what that would mean for them going forward.
Would Natalie still try and arrange studio time for her if she knew that Sienna was gay? Would she think that there was any point? That nothing had changed in country music in the last eighteen years? That Sienna would never catch a break if she was out?
Sienna sat down beside Natalie, with only a few inches between them on the loveseat. “You want to know if what Caleb suggested has any truth to it?”
“That’s the question that I’ve been thinking about on the walk here, but it’s none of my business. I shouldn’t have said anything.” Natalie took a drink and leaned forward to place the bottle on the coffee table. “Forget I asked.”
Sienna inhaled a deep breath. To say it or not? It would be so much easier if she didn’t, but it felt wrong not to.
Sienna took a swig of beer. “I wanted to tell him. All along. In high school. When he came back from college and I thought he’d have a girlfriend but he didn’t. I’ve lost track of the amount of times that I’ve said no to him, and I wish I could tell him why.”
“Why don’t you?” Natalie asked, her voice gentle, without any judgment.
Sienna exhaled. “I feel like he’d tell people. And then I’d be out. And I’d probably have to give up on my dream of being a country music singer.” Sienna bit the inside of her cheek. “That sounds so unbelievably stupid when you say it out loud.”
“Doesn’t mean it’s not true.” Natalie turned to face her fully, draping her arm across the back of the couch.
“Sorry.” Sienna swallowed. “I didn’t mean it like. I just wish it wasn’t the case. That you didn’t have to go through all that.”
“No, it’s okay. I know what you meant, but it doesn’t change the reality of it. Maybe, things would be a little better now, but there’s no question that you would be treated differently, that you wouldn’t be given as many opportunities. You might miss out on an award nomination. You might not get as much air time.” She shrugged. “But only you can decide what you want. If it’s worth that uphill battle.”
