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“What do you think?” Sienna asked, her pulse swishing, drowning out her own voice.
“It doesn’t matter what I think. But if I was in your shoes, knowing what I know…” Natalie’s voice trailed off. “I actually don’t know.” She slid her hand through her hair as she rested her elbow on the back of the loveseat, propping her head up. “I never really thought about the way my life unfolded. On one hand, I could say that if I hadn’t stayed in the closet, if I’d done something else with my life, that maybe I would have been happier, but I never would have met Amelia. Our paths never would have crossed. Maybe, I would have been happy with someone else. I’ll never know.”
“Do you have any regrets?” Sienna asked softly.
“I’m glad that I got a chance to record three albums and tour the world. I can’t regret a second of that time in my life. But I guess, looking back now… I should have fought for Amelia.” Natalie visibly swallowed. “I never challenged her. I just let her tell anyone who would listen that she was happy with Mason and that nothing had ever happened between us. I think I should have met her. Had her say that to my face.” She blew out a breath. “There were a lot of years spent dwelling on that… On how easily she’d tossed me aside. I would have at least liked her to acknowledge what we had. Even if it didn’t change the outcome.”
Any bit of jealousy that Sienna might have felt hearing Natalie talk about her ex was overpowered by the desire to protect her, to somehow keep her from feeling like that again.
“It’s her loss,” Sienna said, the words out of her mouth before she realized that she was speaking rather than thinking.
Natalie raked her hand through her hair before she shook her head, a wry smile on her lips. “It was a long time ago. And looking back on it now, I don’t know how I ever could have thought that it might have gone another way. Those two, Amelia and Mason… They were, and still are in some ways, the poster couple for country music and living a happy, wholesome life. It was insanity to think that she would have left all that for me, especially back then, when she was only twenty-one. She would’ve had to have given up so much to be with me.” Natalie looked away. “I can’t blame her for making that decision.”
Sienna’s throat was tight. She wanted to tell Natalie that she would, that she’d give up her chance at a career to be with her, but it would have been too over the top. Sienna didn’t even think Natalie had any interest in her, beyond music, but she still wanted to say it.
Natalie spoke instead. “That last song you sang tonight…”
Sienna’s pulse tripped. “By Chance?”
Natalie nodded. “You wrote that recently?”
Sienna couldn’t read Natalie’s expression. Those caramel-brown eyes searched Sienna’s face. “I’ve been writing a lot more lately.”
“Me too.”
Sienna could see the questioning look on Natalie’s face. She wanted to ask Sienna, but maybe she was too afraid to. “I know it’s a bit dramatic, but it’s how I’ve felt this last month,” Sienna admitted. “I don’t know how it happened. How you were walking by just at the right time or that I chose that song at that moment. By Chance was probably the easiest song I’ve ever written. It just flowed out of me.”
Natalie looked away, a hint of a smile on her lips, and when her eyes returned to Sienna’s, they were misty. “When you were singing that song tonight, that was all I was thinking about. How crazy that day was. About how lucky I was to have been walking by at the right time. To have caught that familiar melody floating through the air, that I wasn’t on the phone at the time or distracted by something else going on around me.”
Sienna’s breath caught as she listened to Natalie, her heart hammering in her chest as she tried not to read too much into this. There was every chance that Natalie would never see her as anything more than a friend, a struggling artist she could help.
“It’s a beautiful song,” Natalie said with a hint of reverence in her voice. “And it needs to be recorded.”
Sienna reached for her beer, all kinds of emotions running through her. She wanted to tell Natalie more, about how she could feel herself falling for her, but she kept it to herself, accepting Natalie’s compliment. “Do you still think we should? Go to your friend’s studio I mean. You know, if he has time.”
“Yeah. Why wouldn’t we?” Natalie asked, her eyebrows furrowed.
“Because you know that I’m gay now.”
Natalie closed her eyes for a second as she shook her head gently. “That’s not a concern right now. You should have those songs professionally recorded. What happens after that? I don’t know. But you are so fucking talented, Sienna. You have to at least try.”
Sienna blinked. She didn’t think she’d heard Natalie curse up until now. She didn’t care. She swore more often than she’d like to herself, but it was the time she’d chosento swear. Did she have that much belief in Sienna?
11
Natalie finished her beer as Sienna came back with a pile of sheets and plaid pajamas folded on top.
“I’m just leaving these here,” Sienna said, placing them on the edge of the coffee table. “I’m not trying to call it a night or anything.”
“Thanks,” Natalie said, looking up at Sienna.
“Do you want another beer or are you tired?”
Natalie pushed herself up off the loveseat. “Thanks for those. I’m just going to use the bathroom, but yeah, I’ll have another if you are.”
On the short walk to the bathroom, Natalie discovered she’d crossed the line from tipsy to drunk. She still felt in control, but the effects of the beers she’d been drinking all evening were catching up with her. This next one would definitely be the last.
On her way out, she paused in front of the mirror, tousling her hair. It might just be time to start putting herself out there again. Tonight had been fun. She should probably find the nearest gay bar and make it point to go once a week.
