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So I play the rockstar. Arrogant. Reckless. IDGAF attitude. It's the armor that protects the scared kid still inside. I perfected that persona young to survive my chaotic childhood. Never let them see you cry. Never let them see you care. Now, it's rooted in me. I don't know how to be any other way, no matter how exhausting. It's safer on the surface.
With Sloane, though, I slip sometimes. I forget to be the rockstar jerk. And it terrifies me. Makes me feel exposed. What if she likes the real me but then realizes I'm not enough? That I'm just faking it, barely holding it together?
I can't take that risk. It's better if she sees the facade like everyone else. Keeps her at a distance where I won't get hurt. Where she won’t get hurt.
Because at the end of the day, I'm really not the good guy Logan or anyone claims. I'm toxic. Corrupt. I'd only drag Sloane down if she got too close.
She deserves so much better than the mess I am inside.
The catastrophe I'll always be.
sixteen
Wicked Ones
Sloane
I have not been to The Roxy Theatre in years. Especially to see a show rather than perform. As I arrive, there’s a comfort in how little things can change in L.A. While there is a lot of reinvention happening in various parts of the city, when it comes to music venues, the old staples never seem to go out of style.
I’m surprised to see Cooper did leave my name on the list at the box office. For some reason, since I’d hedged on whether I’d come, I thought for sure he’d write off the idea. The thought that he still hoped I would come sends a warmth running through me and calms me down. I’m still not sure if I’m going to regret this or not, and I almost dragged Fiona along with me for support but thought better of it at the last minute. The last thing I need is her teasing me at work about this.
Besides, I have never had a problem going to a concert or show alone, and I’m not about to start now. I believe it’s better to go alone than not at all. You just don’t want to miss some things, and if you’re relying on someone else to have a good time or experience, then you’re probably doing it wrong.
I follow along with the throng of people making their way into the club. For a ‘secret’ show, it sure looks like it will be a full house. But then, all of L.A. can’t keep a secret to save their lives, either.
After standing in line for a good fifteen minutes to get a drink, I squeeze my way back into the concert area and take up position along the back wall near the VIP section. The Roxy isn’t the biggest venue in West Hollywood. In fact, it’s on the small side, and my first thought about the size of the crowd might have been an enormous understatement. I’ve been to a lot of shows here over the years and even performed here a couple of times, and I’ve never seen this many people. If I had to guess, they oversold the show, maybe not realizing people would come if the band was popular enough, especially on a Saturday night. Somebody didn’t plan for a turnout this size.
After a few more minutes of people packing together in front of the stage, the house lights go down, and the first chords of Murderous Crows’ song, Fear Factor, blare through the speakers, and everyone goes crazy. I’ve never seen a crowd react like this, at least not here. The audiences here are enthusiastic, but not to the point of boiling over. I sense these people might be more aggressive than I’m used to, and I tell myself to keep my guard up. That’s probably the only downfall of showing up alone.
After the first song, Jake tries to talk about how they’re trying out their new songs but can hardly finish a sentence because he’s overtaken by the shouts and cheers thrown at him. He’s able to laugh this off during the first part of the show, but after a while, I can see he’s frustrated. All of the band is.
Otherwise, they are fantastic to watch. Skyler is amazing behind the drums, with her blonde hair flying around as she plays. It’s cute to see her and Logan blow kisses at each other in between songs when they think no one is watching. Jake is a terrific frontman, even though his attempts at connecting with the crowd aren’t working very well tonight. His personality shines through when he sings, and you can tell he feels every word and note he sings.
And then there’s Cooper.
I’m surprised I even noticed any other band members since my attention has focused solely on him. It’s a little tricky for me to see since he’s on the far side of the room, and there are some taller people between me and the stage, as well as people trying to stage dive and crowd surf. But what I do see makes this adventure worth showing up alone. He seems to come alive when the spotlight is on him, feeding off the crowd’s energy. He was born for this, and it shows.
And while he’s got the performance down to a science, I get the feeling something is off with him tonight. It’s like he’s restrained or holding back for some reason. I can’t quite figure it out, but I keep watching him and learning about his stage presence. It’s magical.
About an hour and a half into the show, I’m about to head to the bar for a bottle of water because it’s so damned hot in here with all of us crammed so close together when I hear the song they’re playing come to a discordant and abrupt stop. I glance at the stage in time to see Cooper throwing his guitar down and jumping into the crowd.
What the hell?
The crowd parts to make way for him as he pushes through to get to a girl lying on the floor, curled up and covering her head protectively while hugging herself. He pulls her up and talks to her quietly before handing her over to security and then turning and punching a rather tall man with a shaved head and tattoos on his face and neck. The idiot laughs as though the fist connecting with his face hardly bothered him.
“Get the fuck out right now before I call the police on your sorry ass,” Cooper yells, getting in the guy’s face. I’ve never seen somebody this irate.
I think it’s pretty scary, but the guy just smiles at him with a grin that chills me to the bone. He raises his hands and acts confused, but everyone here can tell it’s an act.
“What’s the problem? I didn’t do anything,” he drawls sarcastically.
If I was close enough, I’d punch this guy just for being an ass.
I’m still not sure what he did, but whatever it was made Cooper lose his cool in the middle of a show, so it has to have been pretty bad. I glance around for the girl who was this asshole’s victim of some kind, but I don’t see her. What I do see is almost everyone standing around with their phones out, recording everything.
Shit. Cooper needs to be really careful here.
I try to push through the sea of people to get to him, but it’s slow going as people don’t want to move out of my way. Damn it.
