AllFreeNovel
Share Us
Excitement is the complete opposite of how I’m currently feeling. I’m in the mood to shut the rest of the world out, to get lost in that indescribable sensation of listening to a favorite song for the first time.
Instead, I’m sipping a twenty-dollar cocktail and listening to a pop ballad that released five years ago.
I barely catch Serena’s question over the steady pound of the bass pumping from the speakers, downing more of my cocktail once it registers. The sweet, slightly sour taste of peach margarita floods my mouth, followed by the warm burn of alcohol.
I try to channel some of Serena’s enthusiasm into my shouted response. “Sofun.”
My voice comes out too flat to sound very convincing, but the music is loud enough and Serena is tipsy enough that it doesn’t really matter.
We’re out celebrating our third roommate, Lauren, receiving a major promotion at the marketing firm she works for.
CelebratingminusLauren, who disappeared to dance with a tall blond guy about five minutes after we arrived. Out of the three of us, she’s the man magnet.
Serena is in one of those rare long-distance relationships that seems rock solid, complete with a shiny diamond on her left hand that’s twinkling under the flashing lights.
And I’m on a dating hiatus, following a string of increasingly underwhelming attempts to date guys who were responsible, employed, well-dressed—and ultimately boring. Those three requirements, plusnot a musician, have been my guideline ever since I found my college boyfriend in bed with the bandmate he’d told me not to worry about. He and I connected over music. Same with him and her.
After Harper, my closest friend at work, found her happily ever after, I was momentarily inspired to pursue my own. Unfortunately, they don’t make men like Drew Halifax in bulk. That inspiration dried up fast.
So, I’m focusing on work, hoping that going above and beyond in my current role might mean an opportunity to do more than cater to artists’ demands. Now that Harper is working remotely from Washington and Mia transferred to the marketing department, I take a lot fewer coffee breaks or long lunches.
I already know my productivity tomorrow won’t be great though. We were supposed to celebrate Lauren’s promotion last night, but Serena got called into work last minute. She’s waiting tables in addition to logging ungodly hours at her internship so she can start paying back law school loans. Now that summer—also known as tourist season—is fully underway, the restaurant where she works is continually understaffed.
I take another long sip of my drink, mourning the glass that’s nearly half-empty. I’m too old to show up to work hungover on top of being sleep-deprived. Plus, it’s hard to justify the price.
Serena leans closer so I can hear her better over the loud music. This booth was the only one empty when we arrived, and I immediately discovered why—there’s a speaker located directly above it.
“You’re still bummed about missing that concert?” she asks.
“Nope,” I lie.
I advocated for going to see a band in Brooklyn tonight instead of coming to this club. But it’s Lauren’s night, and she wanted to celebratewithout guys who think basic hygiene is optional. Her words, not mine. Lauren grew up with money and makes a lot of it, so I’m not sure she knows thatstarving artistisn’t just a saying. That making a career out of doing what you love is the exception, not the rule.
Another large sip, and my drink is more than half-gone. “Not like I’d have been able to sign them anyway.”
“See!” Serena hears what I meant to mutter, slapping my bare knee enthusiastically. “It was for the best.”
“Mm-hmm.” I look down into my glass, swirling around the ice and inch of liquid.
When I was offered a full-time position at Empire Records right out of college, I was over the moon. I didn’t care that I was assigned to Artist Development, shaping and guiding the careers of artists who were already signed to the label instead of discovering new talent in Artists and Repertoire, or A&R. I was thrilled to have a foot in the door, to be receiving a paycheck for anything related to music. And scouting unknown bands was a fun hobby even if I lacked the power to offer them a record deal.
It’s a lot less exciting now. There’s no thrill when I think about heading into work tomorrow morning, especially since I’m the only one in the apartment who will have to be up early. Serena’s restaurant shifts don’t start until five p.m., and Lauren’s job is half-remote, so she works from our apartment on Mondays. They’re both eager for a wild night out, which I would usually be fully on board with. Except I have to take notes while an alt rock band whines about their sales numbers tomorrow morning when I really just want to tell them the only reason they have an album out is due to their antics on a reality television show, and not because they have any actual talent. An unpleasant way to start the workweek under the best of circumstances, let alone hungover, exhausted ones.
My fingers rub against the condensation collected on my glass out of sheer boredom.
Everything about this evening feels predictable.
Everyone around me appears to be having the time of their lives—or at least putting on a very convincing act that that’s the case.
“I’m going to the restroom,” Serena announces. “Watch my drink.”
“’Kay,” I reply, watching as she stands and quickly disappears into the crowd.
A cool breeze blows from the vent located beside our table, the cold temperature a welcome alternative to the heat lingering outside despite the sun’s disappearance hours ago.
The music changes to a song by one of Empire’s rising stars, Jason Martin. I was in a meeting with him about six months ago. Temperamental, impulsive, and cocky, but at least he has the talent to back his arrogance up. And a big part of his brand is his backstory—growing up surrounded by poverty and crime but overcoming that adversity to chase success.
Makes me feel a little foolish for giving up on my own aspirations as easily as I did. I let a few noes knock me onto a different path, convincing myself it wasn’t meant to be. Partly because I didn’t feel like I had anything important to say. I’m drawn to artists like Jason, whose struggles echo in their music. I would be acting if I sang one of his songs. I don’t feel like I have anything special to share any more now than at I did twenty-two.
