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“Hayes took the key.”
It’s not a question, but she answers it anyway. She looks away and says, “I took it.”
“Tessie. Look at me.”
She shakes her head.
“Please,” I say.
She drags her eyes to mine.
“Tell me the truth.”
More tears. Will she run out soon? “He asked me to get your keys.” There’s a whoosh of air from her mouth, a sigh that holds no relief. She goes on. “But please, Sage. If you tell anyone, you have to say it was me. He’s already on probation for something so silly—it was really nothing—and he can’t get in trouble again.”
Somehow I manage not to laugh at that. Is she serious?
“You’re going to take the blame for him?” I ask.
She blinks her red and dripping eyes. “I love him,” she says. “And he’s so sick right now.”
Oh, he’s sick all right. And again, I have to push against the words that want to rise up out of me.
“Dr. Mercer will make sure he’s okay,” I say. “And I won’t lie.”
I don’t know what I expect her to say, to do, but it’s not this roar. Because it would be impossible for me to imagine her making a noise like this. It’s more than a scream; it’s poisonous. Her hands swing from her sides like claws. She’s so angry.
“Seriously? Not even for me? You’re so selfish. And what do you even think you have to lose? It’s not like you’re going to get kicked out of school. You’re finished. You graduated.”
I speak quietly. “I could lose my job.”
She screams out a laugh now. “Your job? It’s not even a real career. There are students doing the same work you do. It’s obvious to everyone that they just gave you this job because you couldn’t take the pressure of the real world.”
Obvious to everyone? Has she been talking to the family about me? Or does “everyone” mean someone at Chamberlain is making pitying comments about my employment? I’m shocked. And, yes, of course I’m hurt. And I know she’s panicking, so I try hard not to take it personally.
Tessie is not finished.
“And so what if you get fired? It’s not like you don’t have options. You can just go home. You won’t miss me, because you don’t even care about me. You’re sure making that clear. You won’t miss anything around here.”
I glance over my shoulder at the clinic. It’s a reflexive response.
Tessie breaks into another laugh, this one rising in pitch and volume, sounding scary. “Dr. Mercer? Oh, please. Your little infatuation?” The words come out of her like she’s spitting them away, like they can’t get out of her mouth fast enough. “You’re supposed to be an adult, Sage, but the only thing you have tying you to your life is a three-year crush on the campus doctor? Isn’t that a little too cheesy, even for you? And even if he likes you back, what’s going to happen when you just stop feeling it?”
She swipes her dirty coat sleeve over her eyes. “Because you know you’re going to get tired of him just like you got tired of your violin. Everything you say you love, you stop caring about. You’re not even willing to tell a little white lie for me, your favorite cousin!”
She starts coughing, and she hurries over to the bushes against the building, falls to her knees, and throws up.
I stand behind her, not touching her, but ready to rub her back or hold her hair if she needs me. I can’t quite process what she just yelled at me. Does she really believe I’m going to get bored with Grayson, like it must look like I got bored with being a violinist? Does she think I’m incapable of committing to anything important? Is my job here at Chamberlain just a fill-in-the-gap project?
It hurts that she thinks any of this. But it hurts even more when I let the ideas roll around in my head, because the possibilities aren’t so foreign to me. Some of these thoughts have been worrying at me as well. I push the worries aside like I try to push my medical concerns away—because they’re not true. They’re not real. But now it’s not only me. I’m not the one voicing the possibility.
Tessie is.
Is she wrong?
When she turns around again, her eyes are huge and scared. She holds her arms out to me. “I’m so sorry. I don’t know what made me say that. I love you, Sage. I didn’t mean any of it. I think I might be a little sick.”
I don’t answer her. There is nothing to say.
